Mid-Summer Magic

Summer Sunflowers 2011

It is Mid-Summer of 2011 and for once, I'm taking it easy. I'm still doing the things that must be done, yet I am doing them with more presence, ease and a slower pace overall. I'm taking time to play in the sun and water, to nourish and refill myself.

Summer is the perfect time to shake up your habits and routines as you take time to step out of the ordinary and into the playfulness of the season. Take stock of your Being and make space to nourish yourself to more vibrancy. This is a powerful act of divine service!

Mid-Summer is a great time to notice what areas of your life are asking for more attention. Seasonally, this part of the cycle is for nurturing and nourishing what has already been planted. Now is the time to put energy behind what you are growing in your life, and to make changes to your crop that will bring the richest Fall harvest. Take steps now to reap more later!

One way to do this is by reviewing the five aspects of your Being to check how balanced and vibrant they feel: your body, thoughts, feelings, connection to Divine and your energy. These five aspects make up who you are and impact your interactions with the world. When one area is too weak or too strong, the others must compensate for it, which compromises your overall state of Being. Keeping them singly vibrant and collectively balanced means you experience life with more presence, energy and vitality. Now is the perfect time to take stock and begin making changes to support your fullest Being!

Here is a road map of 10 steps to get you going:

1. Begin by exploring which area of your Being is asking for a bit more nurturing:

• Physical - Body, Strength, Health, Wellness
• Mental - Thoughts, Words, Self-Talk
• Emotional - Heart, Feelings, Mood, Relationships To Self/Others
• Spiritual - Sense of Wholeness, Passion, Inspiration, Compassion, Joy
• Energetic - Stamina, Vibrancy, Vitality, Life-Force

2. Once you choose an area, write down 5 actions you might take that would serve you more than what you are currently doing in that area. Choose actions that are easy to do, observe and track. Be honest and keep your choices realistic - things that you can do and are willing to do. Pick some that feel easy and at least one that feels like more of a challenge.

3. Then, pick one of the easier actions and commit to doing it. See if you can break it down into smaller steps. If not, it's probably small enough. 

4. Pick your starting date and time. 

5. Choose how often you will do it each day or week. 

6. Decide how you will measure your success. Set your initial goal within easy reach. Then, build on it as you successfully move forward. 

7. Begin when your starting date and time arrives. Do your action for a day or a week and track how it goes. Notice what arises that supports you in doing it or stops you from doing it. This is valuable information! Use what you learn to keep moving forward around obstacles rather than giving up. Each bit of information can help you refine your plan so it's doable. Everything you learn is fuel for making changes that will lead to your success. Some of what arises may be a surprise because you are challenging your usual habits and beliefs. Notice these places of discomfort and make a conscious choice to carry on. Open to finding out something new and different by challenging the status quo of your life!

8. If you find that you picked something too challenging at first, scale it down or revisit your list and pick something different. Bring self-compassion to the places where you don't meet your goal and do some problem-solving around them: How might you find a gentle way beyond them? If you try to force yourself to do something you really don't want to do, that you're not ready for, or that's too big or challenging, you will lose motivation fast and wind up giving up, feeling hopeless or like a failure. This will only serve to keep you stuck where you are rather than moving you forward. And the intent of making changes in your life is to move yourself forward. So approach both your successes and challenges with openness, love and compassion. Be your own greatest fan and cheerleader!

9. Watch what your mind tells you about it. Your Inner Judge (and we all have one!) may try to sabotage your initiative. Don't let it! Bring compassion and love to yourself rather than judgement. You will move farther faster with encouragement and support; you may not move at all if you listen to your Inner Judge. Question everything your inner judge spews at you. Most of it will not hold up under rigorous questioning. Trust me when I say that everything your Inner Judge says is a distortion of what's true, if it's not a flat-out lie! (For more information about that, check out don Miguel Ruiz's books: The Voice of Knowledge, The Four Agreements or The Fifth Agreement.) To soften your inner judge and reclaim your personal power, simply say to it, "Possibly, and I'm choosing this anyway..."

10. Celebrate every success you make each day and simply note the places where you were challenged.  If you eat 5 cookies rather than 10, celebrate it! If you drink 1 soda instead of 8, celebrate it! If you do 5 minutes of exercise rather than none, celebrate it! For inspiration, keep your eye on your intent and imagine your success! The body doesn't know the difference between what's imagined and what's not, so imagine how it will feel when you succeed! Imagine yourself celebrating! Let your body use that feeling as an anchor for your success.

Red Hot Tulips, Holland 2004

It feels good to achieve a goal and it feels even better to notice the difference it makes in your life. You'll feel stronger, more vibrant and proud of yourself for taking direct action to return to a place of balance and higher integrity within your Being. When you feel more alive, not only do other people notice but so does The Universe, and things begin to change to support you in your new way of being - a way that values you as a unique, divine person. This kind of self love is a gift to yourself worth giving. You can do it, and now is the perfect time to start! 

An Angel Walks Among Us

I woke up yesterday morning with death on my mind. In my spiritual circle Thursday night, we talked about an upcoming shamanic death ritual we are doing today. I will die... again. I think this will be my 6th or 7th time to die a ritual death. Some of these rituals have lasted a few hours, others a day, and others a year. In fact, the seed of this blog was born out of a year-long "Death Walk" I participated in from November 2009 to November 2010. This year, I am facilitating a year-long journey for others (my Awaken Circle) because the experience had such a profound impact on me.

We've all heard sayings such as "Death walks beside you" and "Death is always standing behind your left shoulder" or "Death is just over your shoulder" and  "Death is always knocking on your door." Have you  ever paused to really feel into what that means? Most of us, because of our social training to fear or resist death, don't give death much attention. But there's a tremendous opportunity here...

In many ancient spiritual teachings, death is held as an important adviser. In the Toltec tradition of the Eagle Knight lineage, we refer to it as The Angel of Death yet s/he goes by many names across cultures (e.g., Kali, Ganesha, Hunhau, Uacmitun Ahau, Kisin, Mictlantecuhtli, Hades, Hecate, Pluto, Hel, Ereshkigal, Cerridwen, Arawn, Skatha, Yen-Wang-Yeh, Ani-lbo, Anubis). You can find mythological or spiritual references to the keeper or guardian of death or the Underworld in just about every culture in the world.

My view of the Angel of Death is that she greets us with the gift of freedom from whatever binds our hearts. She bears the completion of one cycle and yet the beginning of something new. Without this completion, we would remain buried beneath the weight of our own hearts; we would never have the spaciousness to invite healing, change or growth into our lives.

The Angel of Death walks with clear steps and a keen eye. As She approaches, things change. She sees the obstacles to the blossoming of unconditional love in our hearts and does what's necessary to remove them. The gift of Her touch brings acute presence: suddenly nothing matters but the truth. She wields destruction for the sake of construction. It may mean a physical death yet it may also mean a symbolic death.

There's something healing and opening that emerges through the eyes of death. If you've ever sat with the dying, you know that the only thing of importance to them is the clarity of their own heart. I've heard stories about people blurting out their heaviest heart-burdens in the moments of their last breath, revealing family secrets that had been hidden for generations.

This is the gift of the Angel of Death; she offers the soul an invitation to surrender it's burdens and open into the wellspring of freedom born of a clear and unobstructed heart. From this view, nothing matters in life or death except that truth - the truth of a heart broken open. And in the spaciousness of such a heart, only love exists.

For all the human struggles I participate in, for all my searching and clearing and healing around love, there is always more deepening and opening to do. As I approach another opportunity to surrender what obstructs my heart - to hand it willingly over to the Angel of Death so that I can open more deeply into love - I find myself feeling calm and at peace inside. And so I prepare for yet another death of who I am to something new and (hopefully) more purely aligned with my spiritual intentions.

"Today is a good day to die for all the things of my life are present." I've written of this Native American saying before.  This is the state I want to be in when I die, when my body takes its last gasp of air and then releases it with a sigh of surrender. And in that sigh I want to feel the full freedom that comes with a completely clear and open heart, one without obscurations in which everything - all the baggage of my life - has been cleaned up and brought into a present state of love.

Sunrise at Rockport, TX.
Photo copyright 2006: Cecilia Zuniga

So today I do my best to attend to and clean up any areas of heaviness in my life. I heal what needs to be healed, speak what needs to be spoken, request what needs to be requested and I forgive what needs to be forgiven. I choose love and connection over being right and separate. It's not an easy way to live; it takes all the courage and willingness I can muster. It means risking relationships and identities and habits. It means letting go of the old and familiar for the new and unfamiliar. It means taking a radically honest look at myself and claiming responsibility for who I've been, who I am and who I want to become. Sometimes I'm not ready to stand in the blurry and oftentimes painful and muddy lines of personal truth, to risk what I know for the unknown. Yet it is as authentic a life as I can manage right now.

Some days, such as during the past two weeks, I question what's happening. When another layer of mud surfaces from the depths of my being for healing and clearing, I question my integrity. Questioning is a natural part of this journey. It helps me discern what is mine to clean up and what is someone else's. Yet it must be done with radical honesty and heart-centered action. Otherwise, it serves little. This process of questioning helps me return to a clear sense of my own integrity so that I can clean up what needs cleaning, take responsibility for what is mine, and honor my truth in the moment, despite the feelings or reactions of others.

Through this process I've learned that what is true for me requires no defense or explanation; it is simply my truth, whether others understand it or agree with it or not. Expressing my truth does not require understanding or agreement from others or that they change their behavior based on how I experience a situation. And this is true for them as well: I don't have to understand or agree with their views or change my behavior to acknowledge what feels true for them. The best I can do for each of us is listen deeply, honor the feelings that arise, keep my heart open, allow spaciousness for what's next and keep love present through any disagreements.

Limestone heart.
Photo copyright 2007: Cecilia Zuniga

I've learned over the past several years of exploring dying and death more intimately that there is a pre-death process that supports me in preparing for the transition from old to new: whatever obstacles are currently blocking the open flow of love in my heart will be flung into my full vision! Something always happens to enable me to see clearly where my own blocks to love are and where the next step in my healing work rests so that I can go about the business of doing it.

At the time of my own point of rememberance - that moment in death when I suddenly reconnect with my true, pure nature beyond the physical limitations of this body - I want to melt easily and gently into freedom. And so tonight I die knowing that I've done my best to keep learning about and opening to love in all of its expressions; knowing that I am, step by step, killing off love's obstacles and gently growing a deeply faithful, trusting and open heart.

As Stephen Levine so beautifully reflects in his book A Year To Live, I consciously cultivate a heart that cannot be distracted even by death. This is my chosen mission this year as I make my way through Adventures Of A Year To Love.

What About Love?

OK - I gotta say that I'm really beginning to wonder what's happening to love in this world of ours!

Today I've been entrenched in a situation with a dear woman who was threatened by her lover of many, many years. Apparently, his behavior shifted a couple of years back following a traumatic incident he was involved in having something to do with drug deals and he's become abusive and threatening to her since then. She's been covering it up so people wouldn't know. You know - the usual of lying about the bruises and other "injuries," staying home a lot and pretending everything was A-OK...

This has been going on for a couple of years? That's a long time! We called the cops so she could file a statement and get a restraining order. Her first report to us was that this guy had threatened her but as she talked with the Deputy Sheriff, the truth emerged. Not only had he verbally threatened her but he'd "slapped" both sides of her face and pulled her hair. Then she admitted that he'd been physically abusive before and had threatened her many times.

As time went on, I noticed bruises emerging around her eyes: "That's not a slap unless he had some mighty big rings on his fingers!" The Deputy Sheriff took a closer look, changed his report and wanted to take pictures of the marks. When he asked her why she was filing now, her response was "I'm scared." When I heard her say that, I knew this was serious. This is a brave woman who is no pushover and doesn't scare easily if at all under most circumstances. Apparently, she's been trying to get him out of her house and life but every time she tries, he threatens her and has hit her several times before; she is afraid for her pets too.

Until today she felt that doing nothing was better and safer than doing something. Why today? Maybe because of the bruises on her face; maybe because of how he threatened her; maybe she's just had enough; maybe she heard something different in his tone or felt something she hadn't felt from him before... Who knows? I'm just glad that she decided to stop hiding and take a stand to reclaim her life from this deeply wounded and dangerous man.

The guy managed to grab a set of her house and car keys when he left so we called a locksmith to change all the locks on the house doors and re-coded her electric garage door opener so he couldn't get in. We moved all of his stuff into her garage and then we began to problem-solve the next move for her protection. She said, "He will be back. I know it; he has nowhere else to go and all his stuff is here. And he'll be pissed off!" That's what we're dealing with - a pissed-off, drug-involved, abusive man who has nowhere else to go.

The Deputy Sheriff suggested she not stay at her home alone, if at all. He was headed downtown to file an Emergency Protective Order on her behalf (EPO in cop lingo). The guy is on the police radar already for other things so our hope is that he'll be picked up before morning and arrested. Clearly, he is dangerous yet despite this, she didn't want to go and leave her pets and house alone. This woman argued that she could call 911 if the guy showed up, but we all discouraged that. "Sure - you can call 911 but a lot can happen in the time it takes them to get here." The cop confirmed that depending on what else was happening, it might take them a while to arrive. We talked her into staying elsewhere, at least for one night.

 How does this happen? How do two people go from deeply loving each other to deeply hurting each other? It seems that every time I turn around these days I hear of another couple I know that's divorcing, of relationships ending, of betrayals, of lies and affairs and deeply hurt hearts.  

Are we humans so scared and wounded around love that all we can do is hurt or be hurt?

Heart Matters

For the past few weeks there's been a drama happening in a dear family I know. One of the women discovered that her husband had "cheated" on her. First I will say that when someone leaves "evidence" in a vulnerable place, maybe it's true that some part of them wanted it to be found, perhaps to end the sneaking, guilt, fear and discomfort that goes with being out of your own integrity and living a lie every day. Perhaps as a catalyst for something to change that was well past its time. Perhaps as a chicken's way out of admittance. Who can really say, but somehow, some way, these types of secrets always surface.

Once when I was going through a similar situation of feeling deeply betrayed by a partner, someone said to me "Well, isn't it better to know the truth?" My answer was "Yes" although I would have preferred that the truth had always been exposed rather than it slipping through a crack in the foundation to knock me off my feet after months of what felt like secrecy and lies by omission. When you have a heart agreement with someone, to find out that they disregarded it is deeply wounding. Everything you might initially feel toward them winds up being used against yourself: the disappointment, loathing, doubt, judgement, anger, hurt, blame, etc. It's a tangled up emotional mess.

As the story of this particular situation continues to unfold, more and more drama arises. Details are being uncovered that shine a bright light on the lies that have been told; emotions are blazing; gossip is stirring... This beautiful family has been flung head-first into an ocean of confusion, anger, hurt and fear. They are all in what I call high reaction.

There's a question of whether a lie detector test should be used on the husband. "Really? Why?" I asked. Their answer: Because she wants to know how many other lies there have been.

Huh. I had a lot of questions about this choice. What difference would a lie detector test make (especially with all the false readings they give)? She already knows he is capable of lying (we all are) and that he has lied to her on several occasions now. What will the lie detector test add? Does she want an exact count of the number of times he's lied? Does she want to know how recently he lied? Does she want to know just how big of a liar he is? Does she want to know just how false her idea of their marriage is? Does she want to be right? Is she looking for some kind of validation or justification?

But my biggest question is: Should we really trust the technology of a lie detector test above the truth of a human heart?


To me, the only question to ask now is "How willing is she to risk trusting him again?" Maybe that's what she's trying to decide based on just how big of a liar she finds him to be...

Then the conversation turned to the concept of love. The husband says he still loves his wife and that the "other" doesn't mean anything. Really? Then why did he do it (and more than once)? Why did he lie about it? Why didn't he speak to his wife about their marriage before things reached the point of betrayal? None of us can really answer these questions with any certainty. While it may be true that the human heart is a dynamic and mysterious part of our Being whose trappings we can't always predict, things like honesty, openness and integrity are things we choose. As it is possible to be swept up in the emotion or energy of a moment, isn't it just as possible not to be?

How much choice do we really have in love? And is love nothing more than what we make it?

Good Dancin' & Glowing Wrist Bands

This past Saturday my Sweetie and I went out dancing with a group of friends. When we walked through the door of this particular bar, they passed out glowing wrist bands but we didn't get one. They were for singles only. I thought that was an interesting concept - to glowingly identify all the "singles."

Why would they do that? I wondered what the incentive was for this: So singles could find each other more easily? So there wouldn't be any question about availability? So no one would tread where they best not? To avoid any fights or bar brawls? To make girl/boy friend shopping easier?

And I wondered: What ever happened to dialogue and getting to know someone? What's wrong with talking to a married or coupled person? What's wrong with flirting with them? Dancing with them? Enjoying them? Is this not allowed? Did the glowing wrist bands signal "I'm open for business" or "Hands off?"

As I watched my friends dance with each other and strangers in the bar, I got this weird sense of isolation. Was it true that people avoided me because I wasn't wearing a glowing wrist band? I tried to see the wrists of all the gliding two-steppers on the dance floor but it was hard to catch a glimpse as they passed. And there was my Sweetie - wrist-bandless and taking turns dancing with everyone. I have to admit that for just a second, I felt the green-eyed monster that night, but it wasn't about my Sweetie having so much fun; it was about me feeling a little bit left out. I'm still recovering from an injury in March and I wasn't feeling all that great so was taking things slow. Not so for everyone else; they were beer-drinkin', two-steppin' fools!

It's a good thing to shake up your comfort zone once in a while. I got to see my Sweetie as a well-sought-after commodity that night - a fabulous dancer and partner that other people would snatch up in a split second if the opportunity was there. I deepened into my appreciation, gratitude and love for the trust and partnership we share as I watched all the energy swirling around that bar and dance floor to the beat of an old country song.

About halfway through the night I heard one of our friends say "We need to find me a girlfriend." And immediately everyone's eyes began to scan the room for the perfect girl. As I sat on my bar stool sipping a Boilermaker, the rest of our crowd were pointing and discussing the different women they spotted wearing glowing wrist bands: "No, not her; how 'bout HER?" Was it really that simple? Are girlfriends nothing more than good dancing or a glowing wrist band?

   

Later that night I considered what those glowing wrist bands really meant: nothing. It comes down to people's own integrity. If you want to sleep with a single and they want to sleep with you, it's gonna happen whether they are wearing a glowing wrist band or not. Being in a couple isn't a guarantee; it's an agreement, and that agreement is only as good as the two people who make it.

Today I am deeply grateful that the person I've made that agreement with is a person of integrity that I can rest into.

Death Visits

Tonight I learned of a friend's sudden death yesterday in a car accident. This was not someone I knew intimately, but someone I consider a beautiful friend. She was one of those people I met and I knew right away there was something special - something a bit different - about her. I didn't have to know what it was; it just was.

When I reflect on this special friend, her face appears clearly in my mind's eye and her energy appears fully in my field. My heart smiles for knowing her. She was a bright light in this world, someone who brought a smile to those around her. Tonight I noticed that she is still bringing smiles to those she knew. Her wisdom, grace and humor resonate here even in her physical absence.

Yes, there is grief. It's the grief of knowing I will not be able to physically touch her again - hug her in greeting, say "Hey, good to see you!" and hear her "Hey! You too." back, look in her eyes, laugh and hear her laugh... all those ways we connect with people. And it's grief for those who had intimate relationships with her who will miss her in their own lives now. She's left a tangible hole she once filled.


It brings to the forefront once again for me just how important our relationship with death is.



Any moment could be our last, or the last of a loved one. This is not to be slighted; it is a part of our reality.

 And as that moment arrives, have you said what you want to the people in your life? Have you cleaned up any heaviness in your heart? Have you planned for your service, your belongings and your body? Have you resolved your fear around dying and death? Can you die in this moment with ease in your Being? Are you ready?

The Native Americans have a saying: "Today is a good day to die for all the things of my life are present." I'm beginning to understand just how powerful this saying is. For me, "present" doesn't just mean "here." It also means that I've truly brought presence to all the pieces of my life: I hold them with love and honor, respecting them as a gift in every moment; I am current in my relationships with myself and with life; I am in my integrity; I am living with presence: all the things of my life are present. Then, any day is a good day to die.

As I prepare for my tele-conference series about conscious living through conscious dying, I am given a new opportunity to deepen into my relationship with death and to remember with more intensity why I embarked on this A Year To Love journey... which is to hold every moment of my life as a precious and temporary gift...

Love and Ego

So, this is my year to really, really pull love into my being as the foundation of my interactions with the world around me. I'm keeping a close eye on it, as they say. I'm opening my awareness to all the places in my life where my heart closes and I separate myself from love.

In her book A Return To Love, Marianne Williamson says "Any situation that pushes our buttons is a situation where we don't yet have the capacity to be unconditionally loving." Hmmmm - that's powerful food for thought! In the past week, I found two places where I shut myself down to love:

The first was around a phone call I received from an ex of mine. Having no active relationship with this person today, I had a reaction to the call that was inviting me to an art opening in which they had four new pieces. My ego got angry and said "What - I don't hear from you EVER and now you just call to invite me to see your new art? No 'Hey, how are you? What'cha been up to? etc...' Just 'Come see my new art!'" 

 Oh boy, did my ego want to run away with that one! I heard a resounding "F--- you!" in my head, and it surprised me. How strange it felt to hear my mind scream this out about someone that I love, because the truth is that I do love this person, despite years of separation and limited communication. When I explored what was beneath the "F--- you!" I found that the truth is I miss this person; I miss sharing life with them, connecting about what's going on in our lives, and there's a part of me that still grieves the loss of that closeness and my "importance" in their life. This is not about anger or hatred; it's love... It may not look like love on the surface expression of it, but it is love.

So my question became: "What keeps me from responding from my deeper truth of love rather than the surface reactions of anger, blame, resentment or whatever else?" The truth is, it's only my ego and my ego's attachment to things other than love that keep me from being able to open to love in all of its expressions. And the reality is that this ex who called to invite me to the art opening was inspired by love - love of the art pieces, of the inspiration to create them, of the show itself, and of me. It wasn't their closure, but mine that kept me from responding from a place of love in that situation.

The second place I shut myself down to love was with my partner during an interaction we had this weekend. When I was called on to listen, I jumped in and took the first opportunity to "speak my mind" instead. I didn't allow the space they needed to feel complete before I launched into my own perspective... which, when I'm radically honest with myself, was about some unconscious part of me that felt right and wanted to make my point so that my partner "would understand; would get it; would agree with me; blah blah blah...."

 Whew - that was hard to admit to myself and even harder to admit to my partner! But I did: I told myself first and then told them that it was not my intent to shut them down, that I would explore this more deeply within myself, work to be more aware of it, and that I loved them. In essence, I opened to love and was able to reconnect to myself from a place of self-love and acceptance, and then express myself from that place of honesty, which allowed me to reconnect to them. My closure was actually to myself because I felt guilty and ashamed for shutting them down (however unintentionally it was done...). It was only after shutting down to myself that I shut down to them. What a beautiful mirror for me to learn and grow from! 

 Today I sit on the other side of these discoveries, determined to shift the dynamics that led to them. And that is the beauty of this journey: endless opportunities to open my heart to love even more!

Countdown

There are so many thoughts and sensations moving through my body these days as I approach the end of my "A Year To Live" adventure. Changing the death countdown from 10 to 9 today felt a bit like hitting the big red button for a shuttle lift-off. I could hear my own voice in my head saying with passion and maybe even excitement and a bit of anxiety: "Ten! Nine!..."

Last night I returned to my favorite labyrinth to walk it beneath the big bright moon. The sky was virtually clear all day and night until about 5 minutes before I walked when a thin cloud bank moved over it. It was interesting to see and feel the difference in the energy of this walk compared to the last. The last moon was bright and vibrant with energy and the contrast between the light and shadows was stark. This time, the moon was veiled and the light-shadow contrast was barely noticeable. The energy and the light was gentle and soft.

I felt my body relating to that shift. As I approach the end of this year, my own energy feels more gentle and soft. There is an urge to slow down, rest into what's here, and stop all the business so I can drop more deeply into connection with it all. It's an interesting contrast between the ending and a beginning. I feel the ending of this year approaching; I also feel the possibility of birth, newness and freshness on the other side of it. There's a sense of spaciousness hovering just beyond the surrender...

Yesterday a client struggled with whether or not her presence in life was helping or hurting the world; she questioned her own purpose for being here. I heard myself say: "There's no greater purpose or service to the Divine than raising our own vibration." This is a truth that I have come to hold. We spend so much time in our lives questioning our choices, our reasons for being here, our purpose. The answer is in the process of questioning...

What I believe is that we don't have to do anything special to make our journey here meaningful or purposeful; all we have to do is question. The questioning guides us to raise our own vibration. That is living a purposeful life.

Every day my question is: "How I can be of service today?" The rest of my day is spent paying attention to that - to what arises within that frame. It's a very simple question with no specific answer. And it unfolds in powerful and mysterious ways.

As I approach this death, I'm still asking that question every day: "How can I be of service today?" Maybe I already have...just by the asking.

Today is a great day to live!

Huh - interesting: As I changed the count on my "Days Ahead" this morning, I found myself adding 8 days! What happened? I've been changing the count every day this week, one day at a time. How did I rob myself of 9 days yesterday? Or, how did I manifest 8 days today??

I don't know, but I'll take them :)

Things are shifting quickly and I'm doing my best to stay with it and follow what arises each day. Today I spotted the twin fawns in our front yard sleeping near their Mom in the wee morning hours. It felt good to feel them there, trusting and resting into the predawn calm.

And today I submitted a job application for a full-time 9 to 5 job. Wow - I haven't had one of those in years! The job sounds compelling though busy, and the pay is good. It could help stabilize some financial goals in my life, what's left of it anyway.

And today I prepared a package of information to take to one of my health care providers who requested a copy of my book - AD/HD Generation: Holistic Ways to Support Children - for their reception area. I signed the book and got bookmarks and business cards ready to send with it. It's an office that works with women and families, so parents are always sitting in the waiting room before appointments. I love the idea of them scanning through my book as they wait!

And today I'm finalizing materials for the Kundalini Yoga workshops I'm offering with the Texas Yoga Retreat at Barsana Dham this weekend. It's going to be amazing; I can already feel the energy of the space and the people. My body is completely tuned in to the energy of what I'm offering and it is (I am)  ready to go!

Today I am grateful. I am grateful for everything that Spirit is asking me to express in the world in support of our healing and expansion. And today, I have 128 more days to live!

Fire Speaks

I took a walk in the woods this afternoon to clear my head of computer work and prepare my spirit for writing. There is a nice breeze today although it's a warm, summer one. The sun is shining hot between spotty clouds.

As I walked along the trail, I fell into some energetic practices of clearing the circuits in my body. Then I  connected deeply with the Elements in and around me: Air - the breeze and my breath;  Fire - the sun and my spirit; Earth - the ground beneath my feet and my body; and Water - puddles from recent rains and my sweat. Between the breeze on my skin, the sweat on my body, and the spotty shade from cedar trees and clouds, I actually experienced some moments of feeling cool as I walked, even though it was nearly 90 degrees.

I sent out a question to the Sun and to the Element of Fire asking for guidance on how to best serve them for a particular post I hold with the Toltec Center, and the answer I got was a perfectly shaped heart rock. I spotted it on the path just as I took my next step; in fact, I nearly stepped on it. And then, the message came: "Open your heart even bigger than you already have. Yes - even BIGGER!"

I smiled at this answer and walked on with delight. Not two steps later came the most gorgeous little snake - a pretty little fellow with a bold pattern and no rattle. Knowing a bit about Texas snakes, I decided it was (probably) not a threat to me. So unless it was a "rattle-less rattlesnake" (and I've learned that there is such a beast), I figured it was harmless. It had stopped along the edge of the path, barely visible among the grasses and shadows there.

We checked each other out quickly and hesitantly, he more than I. I moved in for a closer look; he didn't move. I felt his nervousness with my size and I thought, "Geez, I must feel HUGE to you!" So I gave him some space and he turned to slither off into the grass.

"Thanks for the message, you beauty!" I offered as he left. And then I set about to retrieve whatever it was I was thinking about when I saw the little guy, knowing that in the shamanic world, this is significant information. "What was it? Oh yes - it was about opening my heart even bigger."

Yet there was another piece that had already slipped my awareness, which returned to me when I went back over it. It was about using more energy to open my heart even bigger, and to hold that task just as importantly as I hold all the others. I might have missed that piece altogether had I not taken a moment to reflect upon it. So "Thank you" again, dear snake friend.

Just returning to the thought of that brings a smile to my face. Living with an open heart is freedom. It's joy, passion, love and truth. It's integrity and authenticity. Sometimes it's even scary, hard and sad, yet it's what's real to me anymore. The rest just feels like lies - distortions of the truth of who I am, who we all are - as part of a divine, whole Source.

So that's my latest challenge on this year to live: to open my heart up even bigger and to live from that place in all I do...

143 days ... Is that enough time??

In This Moment

Today I have a cool 200 days left of this year to live. That's just over 6 months. I recognize my mind wanting to pull me back to the past or forward to the future by asking: "What have I done?" "What can I still do?" And I realize that the only question really worth asking is: "What am I doing?" 

I ask myself this question daily, not to stress about it, but to bring my full awareness to it. The mind says, "I want to be full of my time here. I want to feel good about my journey. I want to feel happy about my relationships to everyone and everything. Did I do my best? Did I clean up any residue? Did I live from my authenticity and integrity? Did I offer service with a full heart? Did I bring smiles? Did I leave something of value behind?"

And I resolve to bring everything to the present moment and let go of the rest. Because "I want to" and  "Did I?" are not present; they are future and past creeping in. They are not the same as "being" in this moment. In this moment, how do I feel? In this moment, how am I engaging with life? In this moment, am I free? In this moment, am I expressing my divinity? These are the questions to attend to. The rest does not seem to be of importance when I scale everything down to the present moment...

This is the month that I make an altar to my life. How perfect. What is my life in this moment? How does it feel? How will I reflect that on my altar? My altar will be alive and dynamic, changing as I change during the next 6 months...just as I and life always are. What a sacred concept to breath into my being. How sacred is life; how sacred am I as a part of this life in this moment.

In the book Discover the Power Within You, Eric Butterworth says "The greatest mistake is in believing that we are 'only human.' Our humanity is but the degree to which we have given expression to our divinity. We are human in expression but divine in creation and limitless in potentiality."

And so it is. May this and every moment be held as sacred expression of divine, limitless potentiality.

©2010 Cecilia L. Zúñiga. A Year To Live. All Rights Reserved. Reprints, copies or reproductions of any kind must be accompanied by copyright credit line.

Time's a Ticking

I'm still feeling a bit "snotty in the head" today, but my energy is returning. I taught all my yoga classes this week, despite not feeling my best and having a minor surgery Tuesday afternoon. The doc said the stitches on my back are somewhat fragile, so ordered me off of yoga and exercise for two weeks until they come out. "What?? I just got back into the habit and my body is enjoying it again! I'm not stopping for two whole weeks. Nope. You say what you want doc, but I'm not listening..." Of course, I didn't say that with my outloud voice...

And, it was only partly true. I listened enough, and have made my choices with awareness. Doctors can be so black-and-white... Needless to say, neither my yoga classes nor my exercise time missed me.

Tonight, I go to Austin to offer what I can to the Toltec talk HeatherAsh is giving at Marigold. I've already done more today than many days, having made time to do my energy practices this morning, answer emails, clean up bookkeeping records, write a blog for my website, deal with book marketing issues, actually eat a real breakfast, and now writing this blog before grabbing a quick snack and taking my dog for a walk so I can shower and head out soon to run a few errands before going to Austin.

Time's a ticking and I don't have all day; in fact, I don't have all year, either! Go baby, go!

©2010 Cecilia L. Zúñiga. A Year To Live. All Rights Reserved. Reprints, copies or reproductions of any kind must be accompanied by copyright credit line.

Tick-Tock goes the clock

Just about every day, I sign onto my blog and change the count, adding one day to "DAYS BEHIND" and subtracting one day from "DAYS AHEAD." I could have put in an auto-counter, but I chose to do it manually so that I can very consciously attend to the movement of time during this Year To Live. And it's working. Every time I change the count, raising one number and lowering the other, I am acutely aware of time's passage from being before me to being behind me....

How strange it feels to be counting down my time here! Each time I change the numbers, I feel the energetic shift in my body as the "BEHIND" number grows and the "AHEAD" number shrinks.  "One more day gone," I think to myself, "What did I do with it? Am I happy with it? Is there something I might shift today?"


There are so many things calling for my attention and energy. Each one is as important to me as the others: writing, cleaning, walking, teaching yoga, connecting with friends and family, emailing, spiritual practices, cooking, eating, sleeping, playing, seeing clients, reading, sitting in the sun, watching the rain, sharing a movie with my sweetie, taking care of household projects, etc.... How do I choose?

In the end, it won't be so much how I SPENT my time during these final months, but how I HELD the time I spent in them. What I realize is that no matter what I do, it's how I hold it energetically that matters most. Each moment is an opportunity for something to blossom, heal, evolve, dissolve... I have little idea how each moment interconnects with all the others from before or after it; yet, I sense that it does somehow, on some level, intersect with the whole of time, and have an impact that is much more expansive than what I can hold in my own awareness. This sense makes each moment super valuable in my heart.

When I reflect back on these months during my final moments - as the clock ticks down to the final minute and second of this Year To Live - what will I feel? What do I want to feel? Now is the time for me to seed that feeling...is it not?


©2010 Cecilia L. Zúñiga. A Year To Live. All Rights Reserved. Reprints, copies or reproductions of any kind must be accompanied by copyright credit line.

Life and Death

I recently heard from a dear friend that her sister tried to commit suicide with an overdose of prescriptions and alcohol. I thought, "She's ready for her life to change. Now she just needs some support in choosing how she wants it to change: through death, or through shifting the flavor of her life. The decision is solely hers; her life is ultimately her responsibility."

How ironic it feels to me that we - her sister and I - are both seeking change in our lives. We both want our lives to have a different flavor or quality than they do. We both recognize on some level that we are ultimately responsible for that: we must make the choices that pave the course of our lives. We both want to enjoy our lives more. We both want a way out of or past what no longer serves us. She sought relief from her feelings in death; I sought relief from my feelings through death...

The Angel of Death - and she is an Angel -  is a powerful teacher. She is an Angel because she is a messenger, just as all Divine children are. She is a messenger of the Highest Power, Source, Spirit, Creator, Life Force, or God; use whatever name you want for It. Her message is that life here is temporary; we humans are impermanent beings in this realm. Whenever and however it happens, I will die to this Earthly body - we all will - and transform into another state... energetic perhaps? I cannot know for certain. I can only feel about it what I feel, and choose to believe about it what I believe.

For me, this A Year To Live journey is a way of exploring life on a deeper level by exploring death on a deeper level. It's a reminder of my temporary state here, which brings life into more focus by broadening my perspective and opening my heart. I am choosing to observe more closely the life of death that exists here in every moment, in every breath; and to appreciate the opportunity I have here to create my life anew through each of those moments and breaths, right here in this physical, temporary state of being. It is a powerful place to be; I can create - through my choices - something different in each moment... yes!

The key is to surrender and allow the unfolding of my choices and actions to happen as they will, recognizing that there is much more happening than I can be fully aware of because it is all energy moving, and energy is dynamic and not completely predictable. All I can do is do what I do with awareness, intent, and integrity; and then I can take responsibility for my choices as they unfold. I can observe what happens and then make my next choice. It is not all in my control; nor is it all out of my control. This life - my life - is an act of co-creation between my choice-making and energy's fluidity. The Angel of Death gifts me with the opportunity to make my choices more consciously and from a place of openness and love rather than constriction and fear.

Maybe that's the difference between seeking peace in death and seeking peace through death...


©2010 Cecilia L. Zúñiga. A Year To Live. All Rights Reserved. Reprints, copies or reproductions of any kind must be accompanied by copyright credit line.

Fire & Water

So it's done nothing but rain for two days here in Central Texas.... beautiful! Rain is the Element of Water - cleansing, purifying, washing away what no longer serves to make space for what does. Water through sweat, spit, urine, and tears purifies and detoxes the body, creating spaciousness in the being. And just as the rain supports and nourishes new plant and animal growth and life, water supports and nourishes human growth and life by quenching our thirst and washing us clean. On the microcosmic level, our bodies are primarily made up of water and space. What I love the most about the Element of Water is that it supports our integrity of expression, especially with our emotions. It teaches us how to be "fluid" with ourselves and in our expressions of ourselves as we move through this dynamic life. So I say "Welcome!" to the rain that is such a powerful Elemental ally. It graciously offers so many gifts to me...

And what a perfect compliment it is to what I did last weekend: Last Saturday, I participated in a ceremonial firewalk focused on naming intentions and then feeding energy into them: What do I want to create in this life I have left? Where am I now and where do I want to go from here? The facilitator of this walk is one of my spiritual teachers, guides, and mentors; he is particularly powerful when it comes to energy play, especially with the Element of Fire. So the small, private event was a powerful experience and I immediately began to see the effects of what I'd set in motion; I'm talking - THAT night!

The Element of Fire is about transformation. Fire burns away the old to make space for the new. It clears blocks to movement and then heals, nourishes and restores the space it purged. How beautiful is that? Fire is about our spirit, our life force energy and our passion. It is about our intention. It restores our sense of curiosity and innocence, bringing us fully present to appreciate each moment as a brand new opportunity to explore and engage with life and its mysteries.

I can "see" and track the movement of the energy I (we) awakened that night in my life. Opportunities are arising everywhere in support of the intentions that I set; they are unmistakable! And so I gratefully and respectfully say "YES!" to them. And I realize that in order for me to birth and hold these things, I must first purge what no longer serves my newest intentions, to create the spaciousness for what's arising now within my being. The initial purge was with fire; I left the firewalk with very clear messages of what internal and energetic blocks needed to be cleared for me to move forward with my intents. So, I have done ceremony and practices to clear them. Now, I have the beautiful, soothing rainwater as a gentle reminder of what residue still needs cleansing. Yes, today I celebrate the powerful gifts from the Elements of Fire and Water that so graciously support my expansion and movement along this journey of joy-filled Divine service.

"How much time do I have to see these things through before I die?" I ask myself; and the answer is: "About 9 months. Wow - that's not a whole lot of time. Is it? What can I do in 9 months?" And then I think, "Well, that's a silly question! New human life is grown in 9 months!" And that thought makes me feel really empowered and inspired! I may not be birthing human babies, but I am birthing babies of a different sort all the time: books, articles, blogs, classes, prayers, songs, ideas, friendships, openings for other people, and on and on and on...

In 9 months, I can create openings for brand new life to seed, develop, and emerge... How great is that??

©2010 Cecilia L. Zúñiga. A Year To Live. All Rights Reserved. Reprints, copies or reproductions of any kind must be accompanied by copyright credit line.

Won't it be nice

Yesterday I moved into "Month 4" of my last year to live... 3 months down; 9 to go...

As my Year to Live clock ticks its way down, won't it be nice to simply allow? To allow what is to be, and to allow it to be OK whatever it is, trusting that it is all in alignment and that it is all perfect for each one of us? Won't it be nice to use each moment left of my life for honesty, growth, and expansion, even the parts that feel uncomfortable? Even the parts that are hard to look at and feel? Even when my heart breaks or aches? Won't it be nice to die knowing that I did my best, and that I honored the Divine in myself, in each person, and in each moment that I had as best as I could? Won't it be nice to hold my heart full of love, compassion, equanimity, and joy all the time? Yes, won't that be nice?

Can I do that???


©2010 Cecilia L. Zúñiga. A Year To Live. All Rights Reserved. Reprints, copies or reproductions of any kind must be accompanied by copyright credit line.

It's a matter of perception

Yesterday I got a clear reflection of where I am today when an old "thorn" thrust itself into my beautiful day...

"Wow, he's really PISSED!" I thought, as this person raged over the phone. What was different for me this time is that I did not identify with it; I did not take it personally, take it on, or take it in... well, that's not exactly true.  I held my energy centered, listened to the energy of what he was expressing, felt the intensity of his body as he tried to navigate his way through the emotional eruption, and then, when he was done and said he was going to hang up, I simply said, "I love you" and hung up. And then I felt compassion for him, for the suffering he creates in his life and for the poison he spews out to those who love him.

I had an instant - well, maybe a few moments really - of questioning myself, of doubting and scolding myself ("How could I have missed that? I was so careful! I can't believe I did it again; I pissed him off again..."), and of judging him ("He's made up all these stories about me in his head, and now he's searching for proof that he's right! He just looks for data to validate his perception of me, and that's all he sees.") It's that part of me that, after all these years, still wants him to see me the way I see myself; still wants him to like me, respect me, appreciate me, love me. I don't like the stories or the person he's created me into; I want him to see the real me!

And then I see it: I'm just like him: I want to be right - about me. There's the "hook!" The game I'm playing is really no different from his. I see myself a certain way and I want him to see me that way too, instead of the way he does. I've made up my own stories of me and am searching for proof that I'm right; and all I see are the things that support my perception of myself; and I reject the things that don't... Wow. My game is no different from his; it just looks a bit different.

So there's a piece of work to be done - clearing old fears and beliefs that drive that train. What parts of this energy do I own and how can I shift them? "Yay!" I say to myself: "That's great information!" And then, I realize just how far I've come since I began this journey years ago. Used to, an incident like that would have floored me - dropped me right down to my knees in emotional pain. It would have knocked the breath right out of me and I would have taken it all in and on as somehow my fault, judging myself as not good enough, not worthy, and not lovable...never even considering that his perception really has little to do with me because it's nothing more than his story of me.

Today, I get clarity, and through the clarity I can take action that is aligned with what I'm creating - with the me that I'm consciously becoming. I can feel compassion for him and for myself, for our shared journeys, and for our internal distortions. And I can thank him for being such a spectacular teacher for me, supporting me in moving my own soul ever closer to its truth. And I can smile, filled with love for each one of us, even if he doesn't know it. And I can breathe in the peace that comes with having an open, spacious heart no matter what.

Ah - so that's what it feels like. That's how it feels to stand in my own integrity and to honor it, while honoring others as they stand in theirs too, however it looks and however it feels. I mean INTEGRITY with a capital 'I' - that inner truth that is uniquely mine based on my own perceptions, beliefs, etc. There's no right or wrong; there just is. He is and I am  - we both are doing our best in each moment with the information that we have at the time. And that's a beautiful thing because that's all we can really ever do.



©2010 Cecilia L. Zúñiga. A Year To Live. All Rights Reserved. Reprints, copies or reproductions of any kind must be accompanied by copyright credit line.

Service

My prayer on many days is "How can I be of service today?" What I mean is: What can I do, how can I show up today in a way that is aligned with the Divine, in service to the Divine? That is my intent. I cannot say how that intent will show up or manifest in my life, yet I can say that I'm certain it will, and that I am committed to honoring whatever it is.

When my mind criticizes me for "not doing enough," I remember my true intent. My true intent is not necessarily to complete this or that from my long list of "to-dos," or produce this or that, or even to find and fulfill my life's purpose. These days, I recognize that being in service to the Divine is what gives my life purpose. The form that service takes will change and shift. Sometimes, publishing a book is being in service; other times, allowing myself a day of rest and contemplation is in service. And other times, maybe setting my lists aside and supporting a friend is in service.

Every day, my intent is to be in service to the Divine, yet I don't know what form that service will take until it arises. Following the energy of what arises is being in service to the Divine, because what arises is aligned with the Divine. Following the energy of what arises is a way of honoring my connection to the Divine. I am - we all are - a bridge between this physical realm and that energetic one; between the mundane and the sacred; between what we experience here and the Mystery that dwells beyond here. We are sacred vessels through which the energy of the Divine breaths...

Every step I take toward recognizing and realizing my own Divinity, I am in service. Years ago, spiritual author and teacher Marianne Williamson said: "We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” As I accept and allow my own "brilliance" to shine in the world as a unique Messenger of the Divine, the brilliance of others is enhanced. As I raise my own vibration, the vibration of others is raised... Wow! All I have to do is walk my own journey with authenticity and integrity and I am in service...

And although the term "God" has all kinds of symbology attached to it, we are speaking of the same Highest and Divine Power, or Life Force, or Energy behind all that is made manifest here. Every time I acknowledge the presence of that Divine Energy in myself or something else, I am in service. Because being in my integrity - standing in my own Divinity, honoring the Divine in all things, doing what is in alignment with the Divine as it moves through me from moment to moment - is one of the highest forms of service I can offer.

OK. I can handle that. I enjoy the fluidity of life, the magic of not knowing exactly what will be arising next. It's a curious, interesting, and fun surprise every day. It keeps me present and conscious. I couldn't always say that. Today as I count down my time here, I can say that.




©2010 Cecilia L. Zúñiga. A Year To Live. All Rights Reserved. Reprints, copies or reproductions of any kind must be accompanied by copyright credit line.

"The Way"

So part of the challenge of "We are all messengers; we are all Divine" is how to handle the "tough" parts of this life. Like - what if the leader of our country holds entirely different beliefs then me? Beliefs that I reject to my core? And then, what if that leader acts on those beliefs in the world - as a representative of me? Only it's not me; it's not at all aligned with what I believe, with the world I choose to create, support, and hold... What do I do with that?

I've spent time contemplating things of this nature in the past, extending the issue out to the community I live in. What about the person who acts out of integrity? Who is a rapist? A child molester? A thief? What about the tragic accident that killed my friends? What about natural disasters? What about the illness that killed my loved one? And on and on and on... Are these things Divine?

I bet most of us wonder about such things now and again, especially when faced with them personally. Yet here's the deal: The Divine Source that I believe in is dynamic; it is a catalyst for movement and change. It is founded in energy, and energy is not static; it's dynamic. The natural world created by this Source, then, is also dynamic; it moves and changes in cycles, and the cycles never fail. Things arise ("birth"), exist, and then fall away again ("death"). It's all temporary except for the Source. The Source is always present "behind the scenes" of this life. Quantum physics is proving this now, that this is an  energetically-based life, yet that's an entirely different blog...

And it doesn't matter what you call this Divine Source, what symbol or language you choose to use to describe it; it's the same Source in my opinion; and that's just my opinion. It can be God, Goddess, Gaia, Spirit, Allah, Great Creator, Divine Source, Buddha, etc.. Take your pick; they all point to the same mystical, energetic Source in the end.

So - if I believe that all things are of the same Source, and if I believe that this Source is Divine in its nature, then all things are of the Divine. And beyond that, if I believe that all things are of this Divine Source, and I believe that this Source is sacred, then all things are sacred. So, if I hold faith in these beliefs, then all things in this life are both sacred and Divine, even the tough ones.

Yet, how can that be? How can suffering, destruction, trauma and such be sacred and Divine? I may never have an answer to that question. But I can at least accept these things as part of the natural (sacred, Divine) flow of energy in life as we experience it. And I can at least accept that it is all part of the "arise-exist-fall away" cycle which is an essential part of this energetically-based life. Some Native Americans call this cycle "The Way."

From this perspective, suffering is the "falling away" of comfort and comfort is the "falling away of suffering; destruction is the "falling away" of creation and creation is the "falling away" of destruction; trauma is the "falling away" of safety and safety is the "falling away" of trauma. You get the picture. Everything arises, exists, and falls away again. These are all temporary states of being, just as everything else is, just as I am, because it's simply the way of energy...The Way. There is no time to the cycles; they simply happen when they happen. 

I arose into this form at conception; I exist; and at some point I will fall away again from this form. It's just "The Way" or the "Law" of energy, and I am, we all are, energy in the end.


©2010 Cecilia L. Zúñiga. A Year To Live. All Rights Reserved. Reprints, copies or reproductions of any kind must be accompanied by copyright credit line.

Words of Wisdom

So I went to see don Miguel Ruiz and his two sons (don Miguel Jr. & don Jose) speak at Unity in Wimberley earlier this week. It was a fabulous, big "energetic love fest." They are all very different in their delivery of wisdom, yet each one gracefully and powerfully shared it, reaching out with passion, integrity, honesty, and mostly love. As I sat in the room filled with people - other seekers like me - I not only felt the vibe of the energy that was happening in that room, but I saw it. Sometimes I can do that; sometimes Spirit blesses me with the ability to see the beautiful energy that radiates from people. Sometimes it's other colors yet mostly, like this night, it is a bright, sparkly whitish-yellow light surrounding everyone. It seems to rise out from the body anywhere from an inch to nearly a foot when folks are impassioned. When I go to talks like this one, I use the energy of the speaker and in the room to help me discern the integrity of the experience. For all the controversy that can attach itself to powerful teachers, masters, enlightened beings - whatever you choose to call them - this experience was, in my opinion, both inspired and inspiring.

I heard so many beautiful words of wisdom yet three gifts stood out to me. The first, spoken by don Jose, was: "When we hold ourselves as Angel, we don't need a heaven from outside ourselves." HELLO: REMEMBER YOUR DIVINE NATURE! I was reminded that we are all - each and every one of us - born of the same sacred womb of creation - One Divine Source. So I am - me - I am a part of that Divinity; yes, I am an "Angel" (my interpretation: messenger of the Divine; child of the Divine). With that energy behind me, oh the possibilities...

...which leads to the second thing I heard that stood out to me, also spoken by don Jose. It was the reminder that: "Every one of us is a messenger. What is your message?" What a powerful question for me to ask myself during this year to live. "WHAT IS MY MESSAGE?" When my physical body surrenders it's breath and my eternal energy body goes wherever it goes, what will my message to the world be? What will I leave behind in my wake? This is a stunning question, and the best answer I have at the moment is: "Well, I hope I leave behind something that folks can grow from..."

...which leads to the third thing I heard that caught my energy and attention, from the amazing HeatherAsh Amara, one of my Toltec teachers. She closed out the talk by declaring: "Life invites us all the time; create yourself!" Wow. CREATE MYSELF. This phrase rang in my head for quite some time: CREATE MYSELF. The third piece of an interesting puzzle fell into place when she spoke those words. The puzzle is this:

"I am an Angel - a messenger of the Divine (as we all are). What is my message? How can I create myself to reflect that message?" I have 290 days to figure it out.

©2010 Cecilia L. Zúñiga. A Year To Live. All Rights Reserved. Reprints, copies or reproductions of any kind must be accompanied by copyright credit line.