I'm still feeling a bit "snotty in the head" today, but my energy is returning. I taught all my yoga classes this week, despite not feeling my best and having a minor surgery Tuesday afternoon. The doc said the stitches on my back are somewhat fragile, so ordered me off of yoga and exercise for two weeks until they come out. "What?? I just got back into the habit and my body is enjoying it again! I'm not stopping for two whole weeks. Nope. You say what you want doc, but I'm not listening..." Of course, I didn't say that with my outloud voice...
And, it was only partly true. I listened enough, and have made my choices with awareness. Doctors can be so black-and-white... Needless to say, neither my yoga classes nor my exercise time missed me.
Tonight, I go to Austin to offer what I can to the Toltec talk HeatherAsh is giving at Marigold. I've already done more today than many days, having made time to do my energy practices this morning, answer emails, clean up bookkeeping records, write a blog for my website, deal with book marketing issues, actually eat a real breakfast, and now writing this blog before grabbing a quick snack and taking my dog for a walk so I can shower and head out soon to run a few errands before going to Austin.
Time's a ticking and I don't have all day; in fact, I don't have all year, either! Go baby, go!
©2010 Cecilia L. Zúñiga. A Year To Live. All Rights Reserved. Reprints, copies or reproductions of any kind must be accompanied by copyright credit line.
Showing posts with label temporary. Show all posts
Showing posts with label temporary. Show all posts
11 March 2010
08 March 2010
A little love
Last Thursday afternoon, I felt a cold enter my body and settle in my head just enough for me to notice its presence. It was subtle, as if it was trying to sneak up on me. I began some offensive maneuvering, but it took hold of me anyway by Friday afternoon. I spent the weekend feeling spacey and tired from the cold that filled my nose and brain with snot. I was pretty useless all weekend, bored with TV yet not having the energy to do much else but stare at it.
There were moments when I thought, "Great. I'm wasting two whole days because of this cold! I should get up and do something anyway." Yet, I didn't have the energy, so I didn't really do anything but lay around and eat every once in a while. I felt my body tighten at the lack of motion. I'd get up and stretch and move every so often; and then I'd slide back down onto the couch again with a big sigh and drift into the dullness of TV. But I was aware that I really couldn't do much else. I was too stuffy to sleep; too hot to snuggle under blankets; too dopey to read; too tired to go outside; and too numb to care.
I learned that rest was best for me those two days; the body would not have allowed for anything else anyway. So I caved in and allowed myself to do a whole-lot-a-nothin'. Part of me was irritated; part of me was relieved; part of me was really, really bored! And part of me was aware that I had just had a big week energetically, holding more than I have held in a long while. I'm wondering if part of me got "sick" to allow for a break and some rest, or maybe just in rebellion; but I'm not sure. I was fine moving through the week, and even jazzed by the flow and all the energy. It felt good! I was not conscious of a need for more rest than I gave myself, but I have taken note, and am exploring what else may have been linked to the "forced down time." Resistance in getting bigger? Fear? Lack of energetic balance? Or maybe sometimes a cold is just a cold. I'm still dissecting it.
Every so often over the weekend, I'd search around my A Year To Live "room" to see how it felt to basically "skip" two whole days of living, yet I found very little. It seemed just fine to do nothing. I find that odd on one level, and perfectly understandable on another: Odd because my time feels so limited; understandable because I was home with my sweetie, being pampered and loved and lazy... and that felt good. It was nice, despite feeling like dinosaur doo-doo.
Who'd a thought that feeling so bad could still feel so good with a little love on top? Maybe my death will be like that. Even if it's uncomfortable, maybe with a little love on top, it'll feel OK...
©2010 Cecilia L. Zúñiga. A Year To Live. All Rights Reserved. Reprints, copies or reproductions of any kind must be accompanied by copyright credit line.
There were moments when I thought, "Great. I'm wasting two whole days because of this cold! I should get up and do something anyway." Yet, I didn't have the energy, so I didn't really do anything but lay around and eat every once in a while. I felt my body tighten at the lack of motion. I'd get up and stretch and move every so often; and then I'd slide back down onto the couch again with a big sigh and drift into the dullness of TV. But I was aware that I really couldn't do much else. I was too stuffy to sleep; too hot to snuggle under blankets; too dopey to read; too tired to go outside; and too numb to care.
I learned that rest was best for me those two days; the body would not have allowed for anything else anyway. So I caved in and allowed myself to do a whole-lot-a-nothin'. Part of me was irritated; part of me was relieved; part of me was really, really bored! And part of me was aware that I had just had a big week energetically, holding more than I have held in a long while. I'm wondering if part of me got "sick" to allow for a break and some rest, or maybe just in rebellion; but I'm not sure. I was fine moving through the week, and even jazzed by the flow and all the energy. It felt good! I was not conscious of a need for more rest than I gave myself, but I have taken note, and am exploring what else may have been linked to the "forced down time." Resistance in getting bigger? Fear? Lack of energetic balance? Or maybe sometimes a cold is just a cold. I'm still dissecting it.
Every so often over the weekend, I'd search around my A Year To Live "room" to see how it felt to basically "skip" two whole days of living, yet I found very little. It seemed just fine to do nothing. I find that odd on one level, and perfectly understandable on another: Odd because my time feels so limited; understandable because I was home with my sweetie, being pampered and loved and lazy... and that felt good. It was nice, despite feeling like dinosaur doo-doo.
Who'd a thought that feeling so bad could still feel so good with a little love on top? Maybe my death will be like that. Even if it's uncomfortable, maybe with a little love on top, it'll feel OK...
©2010 Cecilia L. Zúñiga. A Year To Live. All Rights Reserved. Reprints, copies or reproductions of any kind must be accompanied by copyright credit line.
04 March 2010
Tick-Tock goes the clock
Just about every day, I sign onto my blog and change the count, adding one day to "DAYS BEHIND" and subtracting one day from "DAYS AHEAD." I could have put in an auto-counter, but I chose to do it manually so that I can very consciously attend to the movement of time during this Year To Live. And it's working. Every time I change the count, raising one number and lowering the other, I am acutely aware of time's passage from being before me to being behind me....
How strange it feels to be counting down my time here! Each time I change the numbers, I feel the energetic shift in my body as the "BEHIND" number grows and the "AHEAD" number shrinks. "One more day gone," I think to myself, "What did I do with it? Am I happy with it? Is there something I might shift today?"
There are so many things calling for my attention and energy. Each one is as important to me as the others: writing, cleaning, walking, teaching yoga, connecting with friends and family, emailing, spiritual practices, cooking, eating, sleeping, playing, seeing clients, reading, sitting in the sun, watching the rain, sharing a movie with my sweetie, taking care of household projects, etc.... How do I choose?
In the end, it won't be so much how I SPENT my time during these final months, but how I HELD the time I spent in them. What I realize is that no matter what I do, it's how I hold it energetically that matters most. Each moment is an opportunity for something to blossom, heal, evolve, dissolve... I have little idea how each moment interconnects with all the others from before or after it; yet, I sense that it does somehow, on some level, intersect with the whole of time, and have an impact that is much more expansive than what I can hold in my own awareness. This sense makes each moment super valuable in my heart.
When I reflect back on these months during my final moments - as the clock ticks down to the final minute and second of this Year To Live - what will I feel? What do I want to feel? Now is the time for me to seed that feeling...is it not?
©2010 Cecilia L. Zúñiga. A Year To Live. All Rights Reserved. Reprints, copies or reproductions of any kind must be accompanied by copyright credit line.
How strange it feels to be counting down my time here! Each time I change the numbers, I feel the energetic shift in my body as the "BEHIND" number grows and the "AHEAD" number shrinks. "One more day gone," I think to myself, "What did I do with it? Am I happy with it? Is there something I might shift today?"
There are so many things calling for my attention and energy. Each one is as important to me as the others: writing, cleaning, walking, teaching yoga, connecting with friends and family, emailing, spiritual practices, cooking, eating, sleeping, playing, seeing clients, reading, sitting in the sun, watching the rain, sharing a movie with my sweetie, taking care of household projects, etc.... How do I choose?
In the end, it won't be so much how I SPENT my time during these final months, but how I HELD the time I spent in them. What I realize is that no matter what I do, it's how I hold it energetically that matters most. Each moment is an opportunity for something to blossom, heal, evolve, dissolve... I have little idea how each moment interconnects with all the others from before or after it; yet, I sense that it does somehow, on some level, intersect with the whole of time, and have an impact that is much more expansive than what I can hold in my own awareness. This sense makes each moment super valuable in my heart.
When I reflect back on these months during my final moments - as the clock ticks down to the final minute and second of this Year To Live - what will I feel? What do I want to feel? Now is the time for me to seed that feeling...is it not?
©2010 Cecilia L. Zúñiga. A Year To Live. All Rights Reserved. Reprints, copies or reproductions of any kind must be accompanied by copyright credit line.
11 February 2010
Life and Death
I recently heard from a dear friend that her sister tried to commit suicide with an overdose of prescriptions and alcohol. I thought, "She's ready for her life to change. Now she just needs some support in choosing how she wants it to change: through death, or through shifting the flavor of her life. The decision is solely hers; her life is ultimately her responsibility."
How ironic it feels to me that we - her sister and I - are both seeking change in our lives. We both want our lives to have a different flavor or quality than they do. We both recognize on some level that we are ultimately responsible for that: we must make the choices that pave the course of our lives. We both want to enjoy our lives more. We both want a way out of or past what no longer serves us. She sought relief from her feelings in death; I sought relief from my feelings through death...
The Angel of Death - and she is an Angel - is a powerful teacher. She is an Angel because she is a messenger, just as all Divine children are. She is a messenger of the Highest Power, Source, Spirit, Creator, Life Force, or God; use whatever name you want for It. Her message is that life here is temporary; we humans are impermanent beings in this realm. Whenever and however it happens, I will die to this Earthly body - we all will - and transform into another state... energetic perhaps? I cannot know for certain. I can only feel about it what I feel, and choose to believe about it what I believe.
For me, this A Year To Live journey is a way of exploring life on a deeper level by exploring death on a deeper level. It's a reminder of my temporary state here, which brings life into more focus by broadening my perspective and opening my heart. I am choosing to observe more closely the life of death that exists here in every moment, in every breath; and to appreciate the opportunity I have here to create my life anew through each of those moments and breaths, right here in this physical, temporary state of being. It is a powerful place to be; I can create - through my choices - something different in each moment... yes!
The key is to surrender and allow the unfolding of my choices and actions to happen as they will, recognizing that there is much more happening than I can be fully aware of because it is all energy moving, and energy is dynamic and not completely predictable. All I can do is do what I do with awareness, intent, and integrity; and then I can take responsibility for my choices as they unfold. I can observe what happens and then make my next choice. It is not all in my control; nor is it all out of my control. This life - my life - is an act of co-creation between my choice-making and energy's fluidity. The Angel of Death gifts me with the opportunity to make my choices more consciously and from a place of openness and love rather than constriction and fear.
Maybe that's the difference between seeking peace in death and seeking peace through death...
©2010 Cecilia L. Zúñiga. A Year To Live. All Rights Reserved. Reprints, copies or reproductions of any kind must be accompanied by copyright credit line.
How ironic it feels to me that we - her sister and I - are both seeking change in our lives. We both want our lives to have a different flavor or quality than they do. We both recognize on some level that we are ultimately responsible for that: we must make the choices that pave the course of our lives. We both want to enjoy our lives more. We both want a way out of or past what no longer serves us. She sought relief from her feelings in death; I sought relief from my feelings through death...
The Angel of Death - and she is an Angel - is a powerful teacher. She is an Angel because she is a messenger, just as all Divine children are. She is a messenger of the Highest Power, Source, Spirit, Creator, Life Force, or God; use whatever name you want for It. Her message is that life here is temporary; we humans are impermanent beings in this realm. Whenever and however it happens, I will die to this Earthly body - we all will - and transform into another state... energetic perhaps? I cannot know for certain. I can only feel about it what I feel, and choose to believe about it what I believe.
For me, this A Year To Live journey is a way of exploring life on a deeper level by exploring death on a deeper level. It's a reminder of my temporary state here, which brings life into more focus by broadening my perspective and opening my heart. I am choosing to observe more closely the life of death that exists here in every moment, in every breath; and to appreciate the opportunity I have here to create my life anew through each of those moments and breaths, right here in this physical, temporary state of being. It is a powerful place to be; I can create - through my choices - something different in each moment... yes!
The key is to surrender and allow the unfolding of my choices and actions to happen as they will, recognizing that there is much more happening than I can be fully aware of because it is all energy moving, and energy is dynamic and not completely predictable. All I can do is do what I do with awareness, intent, and integrity; and then I can take responsibility for my choices as they unfold. I can observe what happens and then make my next choice. It is not all in my control; nor is it all out of my control. This life - my life - is an act of co-creation between my choice-making and energy's fluidity. The Angel of Death gifts me with the opportunity to make my choices more consciously and from a place of openness and love rather than constriction and fear.
Maybe that's the difference between seeking peace in death and seeking peace through death...
©2010 Cecilia L. Zúñiga. A Year To Live. All Rights Reserved. Reprints, copies or reproductions of any kind must be accompanied by copyright credit line.
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