My prayer on many days is "How can I be of service today?" What I mean is: What can I do, how can I show up today in a way that is aligned with the Divine, in service to the Divine? That is my intent. I cannot say how that intent will show up or manifest in my life, yet I can say that I'm certain it will, and that I am committed to honoring whatever it is.
When my mind criticizes me for "not doing enough," I remember my true intent. My true intent is not necessarily to complete this or that from my long list of "to-dos," or produce this or that, or even to find and fulfill my life's purpose. These days, I recognize that being in service to the Divine is what gives my life purpose. The form that service takes will change and shift. Sometimes, publishing a book is being in service; other times, allowing myself a day of rest and contemplation is in service. And other times, maybe setting my lists aside and supporting a friend is in service.
Every day, my intent is to be in service to the Divine, yet I don't know what form that service will take until it arises. Following the energy of what arises is being in service to the Divine, because what arises is aligned with the Divine. Following the energy of what arises is a way of honoring my connection to the Divine. I am - we all are - a bridge between this physical realm and that energetic one; between the mundane and the sacred; between what we experience here and the Mystery that dwells beyond here. We are sacred vessels through which the energy of the Divine breaths...
Every step I take toward recognizing and realizing my own Divinity, I am in service. Years ago, spiritual author and teacher Marianne Williamson said: "We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” As I accept and allow my own "brilliance" to shine in the world as a unique Messenger of the Divine, the brilliance of others is enhanced. As I raise my own vibration, the vibration of others is raised... Wow! All I have to do is walk my own journey with authenticity and integrity and I am in service...
And although the term "God" has all kinds of symbology attached to it, we are speaking of the same Highest and Divine Power, or Life Force, or Energy behind all that is made manifest here. Every time I acknowledge the presence of that Divine Energy in myself or something else, I am in service. Because being in my integrity - standing in my own Divinity, honoring the Divine in all things, doing what is in alignment with the Divine as it moves through me from moment to moment - is one of the highest forms of service I can offer.
OK. I can handle that. I enjoy the fluidity of life, the magic of not knowing exactly what will be arising next. It's a curious, interesting, and fun surprise every day. It keeps me present and conscious. I couldn't always say that. Today as I count down my time here, I can say that.
©2010 Cecilia L. Zúñiga. A Year To Live. All Rights Reserved. Reprints, copies or reproductions of any kind must be accompanied by copyright credit line.
29 January 2010
28 January 2010
Caterpillars & Butterflies
Tonight I took a moment to listen to a podcast by Marianne Williamson, one of my favorite spiritual teachers, called "Death to Life." In it she shared that we - the human race - are undergoing big transformation. She likened this journey to that of the caterpillar. She said, "The caterpillar eats too much and it begins to literally decay and in the decay is what the biologists call the imaginal selves that form a cluster of imaginal soup. Out of that emerges an entirely new order of being. The butterfly is not just a caterpillar that has grown wings; not at all. The caterpillar dies and the butterfly is born. There's an actual discontinuity there; there's an actual phase shift, and that is what is occurring to us. One aspect of who we were is dying and out of the imaginal selves emerges someone new. We are moving from good to great; we are moving from caterpillar to butterfly; we are moving from who we used to be to who we can be. Look forward right into the eyes of the you that is waiting to be born." Wow....
So I took a moment to close my eyes and envision my imaginal self. Who would she be? What would she be like? What would she do? And I felt that imaginal self in my body, the self that I can be. I looked her right in the eyes and said, "Yes! That's the me I can be!" She was a few things that I already am, and a few things that I am not. And why not? What keeps me from being that person today?
I recall another, much older quote from Marianne Williamson: "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do."
Ah- so that's it! We are afraid of our own light, our own brilliance. And all too often, when someone else shines, when someone else achieves what our soul longs to, we don't use it as an invitation to do the same; nope. We use it to compare, blame, judge or condemn them or ourselves or others for it. We are reminded of our own fears and blockages in bringing our imaginal selves forward. And so we find ways to separate ourselves and our experiences from theirs to reduce the pressure we feel inside.
But the pressure never dies, because our soul remembers. Our soul feels its Divinity, and that Divinity calls us forth, calls us forward. Each one of us carries within our being Divine gifts. Jane Goodall once said, "We have the choice to use the gift of our lives to make the world a better place." We have the opportunity to share our gifts with the world while we are here, to make it a place we can all be proud to live. Will we stay frightened little caterpillars or will we look our imaginal selves in the eyes and say Yes! to our butterflies? The time has arrived; the doorway of transformation is open...
Will we, will you, will I look through that doorway, or walk through it? That is the question of the day (number 276 to be exact).
©2010 Cecilia L. Zúñiga. A Year To Live. All Rights Reserved. Reprints, copies or reproductions of any kind must be accompanied by copyright credit line.
So I took a moment to close my eyes and envision my imaginal self. Who would she be? What would she be like? What would she do? And I felt that imaginal self in my body, the self that I can be. I looked her right in the eyes and said, "Yes! That's the me I can be!" She was a few things that I already am, and a few things that I am not. And why not? What keeps me from being that person today?
I recall another, much older quote from Marianne Williamson: "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do."
Ah- so that's it! We are afraid of our own light, our own brilliance. And all too often, when someone else shines, when someone else achieves what our soul longs to, we don't use it as an invitation to do the same; nope. We use it to compare, blame, judge or condemn them or ourselves or others for it. We are reminded of our own fears and blockages in bringing our imaginal selves forward. And so we find ways to separate ourselves and our experiences from theirs to reduce the pressure we feel inside.
But the pressure never dies, because our soul remembers. Our soul feels its Divinity, and that Divinity calls us forth, calls us forward. Each one of us carries within our being Divine gifts. Jane Goodall once said, "We have the choice to use the gift of our lives to make the world a better place." We have the opportunity to share our gifts with the world while we are here, to make it a place we can all be proud to live. Will we stay frightened little caterpillars or will we look our imaginal selves in the eyes and say Yes! to our butterflies? The time has arrived; the doorway of transformation is open...
Will we, will you, will I look through that doorway, or walk through it? That is the question of the day (number 276 to be exact).
©2010 Cecilia L. Zúñiga. A Year To Live. All Rights Reserved. Reprints, copies or reproductions of any kind must be accompanied by copyright credit line.
25 January 2010
A Waste - Part 3
I've been thinking: Maybe what people really mean when we say "What a waste" is how sad it makes us when someone dies, because it reminds us of our own impermanence. Did you ever notice that even when you don't know the person, there's a compulstion to say or at least think, "I'm sorry..." and when you hear or see things like I described last week, to think "What a waste..." Why is that?
Maybe because we all experience loss and so we can connect to the grief that is a part of letting something we love go. Maybe we say "I'm sorry" to them because we need to hear it ourselves, for a loss that has not yet healed within our own being. Compassion for others is rooted in compassion for ourselves. Maybe someone else's loss is a reminder to bring compassion into our own life, so that our own heart can heal.
Maybe because deep down in our hearts, we recognize that every single person is our brother and sister, born of the same Source that we are - One Divine Source; they are us and we are them in the end. When a brother or sister dies, on some level it's a reflection of our own death. It reminds us that we are impermanent and that our time here is temporary. Some day, some time we will die too. What happens then, we can't be certain. Yet what we know is that we will no longer be in the form we are in at this moment. And maybe the part of us that enjoys this physical life is saying, "Oh - I'm sorry to think about letting that go."
Maybe what folks mean when we say "I'm sorry" or "What a waste" is that we hope our own life will not feel like a waste when we die, so we won't feel sorry for ourselves. Maybe the heart of who we are is, in that moment, screaming out for recognition. Maybe it sees an opportunity to say, "Hey - wake up! Your time is limited! Fulfill your dreams!" Maybe the death of someone else - even someone we don't personally know - is a wake up call for our own Soul. Maybe it's an opening for us to reflect on our time here so that we can stop denying our magnificence and start living it.
Maybe that's part of why "feeling more death" allows us to "find more life."
©2010 Cecilia L. Zúñiga. A Year To Live. All Rights Reserved. Reprints, copies or reproductions of any kind must be accompanied by copyright credit line.
Maybe because we all experience loss and so we can connect to the grief that is a part of letting something we love go. Maybe we say "I'm sorry" to them because we need to hear it ourselves, for a loss that has not yet healed within our own being. Compassion for others is rooted in compassion for ourselves. Maybe someone else's loss is a reminder to bring compassion into our own life, so that our own heart can heal.
Maybe because deep down in our hearts, we recognize that every single person is our brother and sister, born of the same Source that we are - One Divine Source; they are us and we are them in the end. When a brother or sister dies, on some level it's a reflection of our own death. It reminds us that we are impermanent and that our time here is temporary. Some day, some time we will die too. What happens then, we can't be certain. Yet what we know is that we will no longer be in the form we are in at this moment. And maybe the part of us that enjoys this physical life is saying, "Oh - I'm sorry to think about letting that go."
Maybe what folks mean when we say "I'm sorry" or "What a waste" is that we hope our own life will not feel like a waste when we die, so we won't feel sorry for ourselves. Maybe the heart of who we are is, in that moment, screaming out for recognition. Maybe it sees an opportunity to say, "Hey - wake up! Your time is limited! Fulfill your dreams!" Maybe the death of someone else - even someone we don't personally know - is a wake up call for our own Soul. Maybe it's an opening for us to reflect on our time here so that we can stop denying our magnificence and start living it.
Maybe that's part of why "feeling more death" allows us to "find more life."
©2010 Cecilia L. Zúñiga. A Year To Live. All Rights Reserved. Reprints, copies or reproductions of any kind must be accompanied by copyright credit line.
22 January 2010
A Waste - Part 2
This week, issues of death and dying are all around me. I heard of a friend's Grandmother who had a fall and now seems to be on an unanticipated decline. I heard stories of youngish folks who suddenly died of heart attacks, leaving loved ones in a state of grief and shock. "What a waste of a good soul," they said. I heard stories of folks with long-term illnesses that, although the family knew "the time would come," they didn't know it would be that day, so soon and when their loved one seemed stable. "It seems such a waste," they said. I ran across several deer carcasses while walking in the woods yesterday, seemingly not dead from natural causes. I wondered what happened and what each of their experiences was. And I lamented what seemed to be a waste of their lives. I heard stories of friends and acquaintances who have "spun out" emotionally, mentally, and psychically recently, losing themselves and their grasp on life in dramatic ways. No, they are not physically dead, yet parts of them may be, at least for the moment. "It's so sad. It's such a waste," I found myself saying. And then I asked myself, "A waste of what?"
What a strange phrase that is: "a waste." Can anything really ever be a waste? I took a moment to ponder how I've heard that phrase used and its meaning: "It's such a waste, they are wasting their life away;" "They died so young; what a waste;" "What a waste of time;" "That was a waste of energy." "It's such a waste, they have (or had) such potential...."
Hmmm. Is anything really ever a waste? What makes something a waste? Who decides that something is a waste of time, energy, effort, life? If it was here - if it arose, existed, and then fell away again - was any part of its role in that cycle a waste? We may call something a waste, yet who are we to judge?
We don't see the whole "tapestry" of life - not even our own; we only see one segment at a time. We don't know how all the tiny threads come together to make the tapestry of life whole or complete. We don't have all the information; we only have a tiny bit of it, our own limited perspective and experience. And in my view, that's simply not enough to fully understand why things happen the way they do, or to judge something as a waste. We may have our ideas and opinions about it, yet we cannot truly know.
Today, I have 280-something days left to live. When I die, will people say that about me? About my life or my death? If they do, what will that really mean...?
©2010 Cecilia L. Zúñiga. A Year To Live. All Rights Reserved. Reprints, copies or reproductions of any kind must be accompanied by copyright credit line.
What a strange phrase that is: "a waste." Can anything really ever be a waste? I took a moment to ponder how I've heard that phrase used and its meaning: "It's such a waste, they are wasting their life away;" "They died so young; what a waste;" "What a waste of time;" "That was a waste of energy." "It's such a waste, they have (or had) such potential...."
Hmmm. Is anything really ever a waste? What makes something a waste? Who decides that something is a waste of time, energy, effort, life? If it was here - if it arose, existed, and then fell away again - was any part of its role in that cycle a waste? We may call something a waste, yet who are we to judge?
We don't see the whole "tapestry" of life - not even our own; we only see one segment at a time. We don't know how all the tiny threads come together to make the tapestry of life whole or complete. We don't have all the information; we only have a tiny bit of it, our own limited perspective and experience. And in my view, that's simply not enough to fully understand why things happen the way they do, or to judge something as a waste. We may have our ideas and opinions about it, yet we cannot truly know.
Today, I have 280-something days left to live. When I die, will people say that about me? About my life or my death? If they do, what will that really mean...?
©2010 Cecilia L. Zúñiga. A Year To Live. All Rights Reserved. Reprints, copies or reproductions of any kind must be accompanied by copyright credit line.
A Waste - Part 1
The other day, I watched my cat eat a bird she'd caught: "Wow!" I thought, "That bird didn't know it was in its last moments of life...until it was." And I wondered what the bird's experience was like, and how it might be the same or different from my own. I felt happy that at least the bird brought my cat some play in her instinctual self and filled her belly so its death was not a waste. And then I thanked the beautiful bird for it's role in the cycle - The Way.
Then I thought about my own role in The Way, and wondered how many days I had left : 284, but that was two days ago...
©2010 Cecilia L. Zúñiga. A Year To Live. All Rights Reserved. Reprints, copies or reproductions of any kind must be accompanied by copyright credit line.
Then I thought about my own role in The Way, and wondered how many days I had left : 284, but that was two days ago...
©2010 Cecilia L. Zúñiga. A Year To Live. All Rights Reserved. Reprints, copies or reproductions of any kind must be accompanied by copyright credit line.
21 January 2010
Lady Death
Death happens. It's a part of the natural cycle, what some Native Americans call "The Way." Things arise, exist, and then fall away again. I wrote about that in my last blog.
At the start of this journey, in my journal I wrote: "I hear a bird, a car, some dishes clanking in the kitchen...signs of life all around me. My presence here in this moment is inconsequential. I am a silent observer and yet a full participant. Yellow leaves flutter gently to the ground, surrendering to Fall and their own tiny death, as I will soon. In its day, each leaf is spectacular and "makes the tree;" today those leaves are inconsequential, silent observers yet fully participating... like me. Will it be that easy - that gentle - for me? Will I - when it is my time to surrender - be just as silent, just as graceful, just as willing as these leaves? They sprout, and blossom, and live fully, and wilt, and die fully...as I will."
What I've come to is that life - and me as a part of it - is fragile and temporary: fragile because we often don't know when it's time for us to fall away again until we are looking Lady Death in the eyes; and temporary because we all look Lady Death in the eyes... no one and nothing escapes her reach. Well, that's not exactly what I believe...
Remember in "The Dying," I quoted Levine writing about our essence, or essential nature: "Remember that the ever-present luminosity into which our ever-impermanent density dissolves is the light of awareness by which consciousness is seen, our essential nature which never dies." TRANSLATION: Remember that our physical-ness is temporary and at some point will dissolve into the permanent energy from which it was born. That permanent energy is infinite; it has no beginning and no end. It is not, however, empty; it is embedded with awareness. Awareness is part of what gives rise to our consciousness when we are born into this physical life. Get it?
So, Lady Death wields the sword that puts an end to our physical experience here, but she can't touch our essential nature, no matter how far she reaches. Somehow, I find comfort in that. So with that in mind, how can I make the most of my life while I am existing here? How can I be "spectacular and make my tree" before I fall away again? Those are the real questions behind this "A Year To Live" experience, which brings me back to New Year's Eve: Can we really find more life by feeling more death?
283 days and counting...
©2010 Cecilia L. Zúñiga. A Year To Live. All Rights Reserved. Reprints, copies or reproductions of any kind must be accompanied by copyright credit line.
At the start of this journey, in my journal I wrote: "I hear a bird, a car, some dishes clanking in the kitchen...signs of life all around me. My presence here in this moment is inconsequential. I am a silent observer and yet a full participant. Yellow leaves flutter gently to the ground, surrendering to Fall and their own tiny death, as I will soon. In its day, each leaf is spectacular and "makes the tree;" today those leaves are inconsequential, silent observers yet fully participating... like me. Will it be that easy - that gentle - for me? Will I - when it is my time to surrender - be just as silent, just as graceful, just as willing as these leaves? They sprout, and blossom, and live fully, and wilt, and die fully...as I will."
What I've come to is that life - and me as a part of it - is fragile and temporary: fragile because we often don't know when it's time for us to fall away again until we are looking Lady Death in the eyes; and temporary because we all look Lady Death in the eyes... no one and nothing escapes her reach. Well, that's not exactly what I believe...
Remember in "The Dying," I quoted Levine writing about our essence, or essential nature: "Remember that the ever-present luminosity into which our ever-impermanent density dissolves is the light of awareness by which consciousness is seen, our essential nature which never dies." TRANSLATION: Remember that our physical-ness is temporary and at some point will dissolve into the permanent energy from which it was born. That permanent energy is infinite; it has no beginning and no end. It is not, however, empty; it is embedded with awareness. Awareness is part of what gives rise to our consciousness when we are born into this physical life. Get it?
So, Lady Death wields the sword that puts an end to our physical experience here, but she can't touch our essential nature, no matter how far she reaches. Somehow, I find comfort in that. So with that in mind, how can I make the most of my life while I am existing here? How can I be "spectacular and make my tree" before I fall away again? Those are the real questions behind this "A Year To Live" experience, which brings me back to New Year's Eve: Can we really find more life by feeling more death?
283 days and counting...
©2010 Cecilia L. Zúñiga. A Year To Live. All Rights Reserved. Reprints, copies or reproductions of any kind must be accompanied by copyright credit line.
15 January 2010
"The Way"
So part of the challenge of "We are all messengers; we are all Divine" is how to handle the "tough" parts of this life. Like - what if the leader of our country holds entirely different beliefs then me? Beliefs that I reject to my core? And then, what if that leader acts on those beliefs in the world - as a representative of me? Only it's not me; it's not at all aligned with what I believe, with the world I choose to create, support, and hold... What do I do with that?
I've spent time contemplating things of this nature in the past, extending the issue out to the community I live in. What about the person who acts out of integrity? Who is a rapist? A child molester? A thief? What about the tragic accident that killed my friends? What about natural disasters? What about the illness that killed my loved one? And on and on and on... Are these things Divine?
I bet most of us wonder about such things now and again, especially when faced with them personally. Yet here's the deal: The Divine Source that I believe in is dynamic; it is a catalyst for movement and change. It is founded in energy, and energy is not static; it's dynamic. The natural world created by this Source, then, is also dynamic; it moves and changes in cycles, and the cycles never fail. Things arise ("birth"), exist, and then fall away again ("death"). It's all temporary except for the Source. The Source is always present "behind the scenes" of this life. Quantum physics is proving this now, that this is an energetically-based life, yet that's an entirely different blog...
And it doesn't matter what you call this Divine Source, what symbol or language you choose to use to describe it; it's the same Source in my opinion; and that's just my opinion. It can be God, Goddess, Gaia, Spirit, Allah, Great Creator, Divine Source, Buddha, etc.. Take your pick; they all point to the same mystical, energetic Source in the end.
So - if I believe that all things are of the same Source, and if I believe that this Source is Divine in its nature, then all things are of the Divine. And beyond that, if I believe that all things are of this Divine Source, and I believe that this Source is sacred, then all things are sacred. So, if I hold faith in these beliefs, then all things in this life are both sacred and Divine, even the tough ones.
Yet, how can that be? How can suffering, destruction, trauma and such be sacred and Divine? I may never have an answer to that question. But I can at least accept these things as part of the natural (sacred, Divine) flow of energy in life as we experience it. And I can at least accept that it is all part of the "arise-exist-fall away" cycle which is an essential part of this energetically-based life. Some Native Americans call this cycle "The Way."
From this perspective, suffering is the "falling away" of comfort and comfort is the "falling away of suffering; destruction is the "falling away" of creation and creation is the "falling away" of destruction; trauma is the "falling away" of safety and safety is the "falling away" of trauma. You get the picture. Everything arises, exists, and falls away again. These are all temporary states of being, just as everything else is, just as I am, because it's simply the way of energy...The Way. There is no time to the cycles; they simply happen when they happen.
I arose into this form at conception; I exist; and at some point I will fall away again from this form. It's just "The Way" or the "Law" of energy, and I am, we all are, energy in the end.
©2010 Cecilia L. Zúñiga. A Year To Live. All Rights Reserved. Reprints, copies or reproductions of any kind must be accompanied by copyright credit line.
I've spent time contemplating things of this nature in the past, extending the issue out to the community I live in. What about the person who acts out of integrity? Who is a rapist? A child molester? A thief? What about the tragic accident that killed my friends? What about natural disasters? What about the illness that killed my loved one? And on and on and on... Are these things Divine?
I bet most of us wonder about such things now and again, especially when faced with them personally. Yet here's the deal: The Divine Source that I believe in is dynamic; it is a catalyst for movement and change. It is founded in energy, and energy is not static; it's dynamic. The natural world created by this Source, then, is also dynamic; it moves and changes in cycles, and the cycles never fail. Things arise ("birth"), exist, and then fall away again ("death"). It's all temporary except for the Source. The Source is always present "behind the scenes" of this life. Quantum physics is proving this now, that this is an energetically-based life, yet that's an entirely different blog...
And it doesn't matter what you call this Divine Source, what symbol or language you choose to use to describe it; it's the same Source in my opinion; and that's just my opinion. It can be God, Goddess, Gaia, Spirit, Allah, Great Creator, Divine Source, Buddha, etc.. Take your pick; they all point to the same mystical, energetic Source in the end.
So - if I believe that all things are of the same Source, and if I believe that this Source is Divine in its nature, then all things are of the Divine. And beyond that, if I believe that all things are of this Divine Source, and I believe that this Source is sacred, then all things are sacred. So, if I hold faith in these beliefs, then all things in this life are both sacred and Divine, even the tough ones.
Yet, how can that be? How can suffering, destruction, trauma and such be sacred and Divine? I may never have an answer to that question. But I can at least accept these things as part of the natural (sacred, Divine) flow of energy in life as we experience it. And I can at least accept that it is all part of the "arise-exist-fall away" cycle which is an essential part of this energetically-based life. Some Native Americans call this cycle "The Way."
From this perspective, suffering is the "falling away" of comfort and comfort is the "falling away of suffering; destruction is the "falling away" of creation and creation is the "falling away" of destruction; trauma is the "falling away" of safety and safety is the "falling away" of trauma. You get the picture. Everything arises, exists, and falls away again. These are all temporary states of being, just as everything else is, just as I am, because it's simply the way of energy...The Way. There is no time to the cycles; they simply happen when they happen.
I arose into this form at conception; I exist; and at some point I will fall away again from this form. It's just "The Way" or the "Law" of energy, and I am, we all are, energy in the end.
©2010 Cecilia L. Zúñiga. A Year To Live. All Rights Reserved. Reprints, copies or reproductions of any kind must be accompanied by copyright credit line.
14 January 2010
Words of Wisdom
So I went to see don Miguel Ruiz and his two sons (don Miguel Jr. & don Jose) speak at Unity in Wimberley earlier this week. It was a fabulous, big "energetic love fest." They are all very different in their delivery of wisdom, yet each one gracefully and powerfully shared it, reaching out with passion, integrity, honesty, and mostly love. As I sat in the room filled with people - other seekers like me - I not only felt the vibe of the energy that was happening in that room, but I saw it. Sometimes I can do that; sometimes Spirit blesses me with the ability to see the beautiful energy that radiates from people. Sometimes it's other colors yet mostly, like this night, it is a bright, sparkly whitish-yellow light surrounding everyone. It seems to rise out from the body anywhere from an inch to nearly a foot when folks are impassioned. When I go to talks like this one, I use the energy of the speaker and in the room to help me discern the integrity of the experience. For all the controversy that can attach itself to powerful teachers, masters, enlightened beings - whatever you choose to call them - this experience was, in my opinion, both inspired and inspiring.
I heard so many beautiful words of wisdom yet three gifts stood out to me. The first, spoken by don Jose, was: "When we hold ourselves as Angel, we don't need a heaven from outside ourselves." HELLO: REMEMBER YOUR DIVINE NATURE! I was reminded that we are all - each and every one of us - born of the same sacred womb of creation - One Divine Source. So I am - me - I am a part of that Divinity; yes, I am an "Angel" (my interpretation: messenger of the Divine; child of the Divine). With that energy behind me, oh the possibilities...
...which leads to the second thing I heard that stood out to me, also spoken by don Jose. It was the reminder that: "Every one of us is a messenger. What is your message?" What a powerful question for me to ask myself during this year to live. "WHAT IS MY MESSAGE?" When my physical body surrenders it's breath and my eternal energy body goes wherever it goes, what will my message to the world be? What will I leave behind in my wake? This is a stunning question, and the best answer I have at the moment is: "Well, I hope I leave behind something that folks can grow from..."
...which leads to the third thing I heard that caught my energy and attention, from the amazing HeatherAsh Amara, one of my Toltec teachers. She closed out the talk by declaring: "Life invites us all the time; create yourself!" Wow. CREATE MYSELF. This phrase rang in my head for quite some time: CREATE MYSELF. The third piece of an interesting puzzle fell into place when she spoke those words. The puzzle is this:
"I am an Angel - a messenger of the Divine (as we all are). What is my message? How can I create myself to reflect that message?" I have 290 days to figure it out.
©2010 Cecilia L. Zúñiga. A Year To Live. All Rights Reserved. Reprints, copies or reproductions of any kind must be accompanied by copyright credit line.
I heard so many beautiful words of wisdom yet three gifts stood out to me. The first, spoken by don Jose, was: "When we hold ourselves as Angel, we don't need a heaven from outside ourselves." HELLO: REMEMBER YOUR DIVINE NATURE! I was reminded that we are all - each and every one of us - born of the same sacred womb of creation - One Divine Source. So I am - me - I am a part of that Divinity; yes, I am an "Angel" (my interpretation: messenger of the Divine; child of the Divine). With that energy behind me, oh the possibilities...
...which leads to the second thing I heard that stood out to me, also spoken by don Jose. It was the reminder that: "Every one of us is a messenger. What is your message?" What a powerful question for me to ask myself during this year to live. "WHAT IS MY MESSAGE?" When my physical body surrenders it's breath and my eternal energy body goes wherever it goes, what will my message to the world be? What will I leave behind in my wake? This is a stunning question, and the best answer I have at the moment is: "Well, I hope I leave behind something that folks can grow from..."
...which leads to the third thing I heard that caught my energy and attention, from the amazing HeatherAsh Amara, one of my Toltec teachers. She closed out the talk by declaring: "Life invites us all the time; create yourself!" Wow. CREATE MYSELF. This phrase rang in my head for quite some time: CREATE MYSELF. The third piece of an interesting puzzle fell into place when she spoke those words. The puzzle is this:
"I am an Angel - a messenger of the Divine (as we all are). What is my message? How can I create myself to reflect that message?" I have 290 days to figure it out.
©2010 Cecilia L. Zúñiga. A Year To Live. All Rights Reserved. Reprints, copies or reproductions of any kind must be accompanied by copyright credit line.
08 January 2010
"The Dying"
So this week, one question that arose for me during this final year to live is: How can I support my energy body's graceful release from it's physical packaging during "the dying?"
I remind myself that I am not this body. This body is a sacred vessel within which my true essence resides. Levine wrote: "Remember that the ever-present luminosity into which our ever-impermanent density dissolves is the light of awareness by which consciousness is seen, our essential nature which never dies." I am - we are - none of this physicality. It's just a vessel; a package that we get to use to fully experience this beautiful material, sensory world. The senses are an avenue into a fullness of being, a wholeness of being, in this physical realm that would not be possible without them. They link us more closely to the subtle energy body that is our sacred and essential nature which never dies, as Levine describes it, that infinite light of awareness that is our essence; yet they also connect us more deeply to our physical nature in this realm. The senses, then, are a bridge between our sacred infinite essence and our sacred finite vessel.
To answer my own question, there seem to be several pathways into preparing oneself for "the dying." Exploring these pathways is a big part of my journey this year. For the moment, today, I simply remember to honor this sacred, sensory vessel as a bridge to my sacred essence. This body is serving me now, in the present, where I am still "alive." So I contemplate how to best support it. Somehow it seems contradictory to expend energy supporting a body that is in the midst of what I call its death walk, it's journey toward a final surrender. But from the moment we are born, aren't we all on a "death walk?"
©2010 Cecilia L. Zúñiga. A Year To Live. All Rights Reserved. Reprints, copies or reproductions of any kind must be accompanied by copyright credit line.
I remind myself that I am not this body. This body is a sacred vessel within which my true essence resides. Levine wrote: "Remember that the ever-present luminosity into which our ever-impermanent density dissolves is the light of awareness by which consciousness is seen, our essential nature which never dies." I am - we are - none of this physicality. It's just a vessel; a package that we get to use to fully experience this beautiful material, sensory world. The senses are an avenue into a fullness of being, a wholeness of being, in this physical realm that would not be possible without them. They link us more closely to the subtle energy body that is our sacred and essential nature which never dies, as Levine describes it, that infinite light of awareness that is our essence; yet they also connect us more deeply to our physical nature in this realm. The senses, then, are a bridge between our sacred infinite essence and our sacred finite vessel.
To answer my own question, there seem to be several pathways into preparing oneself for "the dying." Exploring these pathways is a big part of my journey this year. For the moment, today, I simply remember to honor this sacred, sensory vessel as a bridge to my sacred essence. This body is serving me now, in the present, where I am still "alive." So I contemplate how to best support it. Somehow it seems contradictory to expend energy supporting a body that is in the midst of what I call its death walk, it's journey toward a final surrender. But from the moment we are born, aren't we all on a "death walk?"
©2010 Cecilia L. Zúñiga. A Year To Live. All Rights Reserved. Reprints, copies or reproductions of any kind must be accompanied by copyright credit line.
06 January 2010
An Ordinary Kind of Day
Today was an ordinary kind of day. Woke up, recorded anything I could recall from my dreams, fed the dog, changed clothes, and went for a long walk in an undeveloped wooded neighborhood near my home. It was cold but still – no wind - so the walk was pleasant. A dear friend joined me so it was a “chatty” walk whereas most of the others are done in silence attending to the sensory experience, or at most, chanting. It was good, though, because she gave me some good insights around something I’m frustrated by and trying to move through in a graceful way. Ah, the wisdom of an outside perspective…
I spent the afternoon running errands here and elsewhere, responding to emails, and carving out 20 minutes to have some lunch; actually, by the time I ate, it was closer to supper time. My evening was focused on teaching a kundalini yoga class for post-holiday-junk-food detoxifying…just what we all needed. And now, here I am, piled up on my sofa, dog at my feet, cats curled up in their beds beside me. Cozy is how I would describe this moment in my life.
My life… moving forward quicker than I can track it; minutes tick-tocking by invisibly, counting down my remaining time here… tick tock tick tock tick tock. This is a moment to savor, yes. I’m finding that every moment of my life is a moment to savor, even the uncomfortable ones. Like tonight – I developed a migraine before my yoga class. It was bad enough to make me nauseous. I chose to teach anyway, through the discomfort. I’ve never done that before. My migraines are usually spent piled up in bed, house dark and quiet, wet rag on my forehead, praying to fall asleep and wake up pain-free.
Yet Levine teaches to open beyond moments of discomfort and to be fully present with “what is.” He says to call it “the pain” rather than “my pain.” So I did. I taught yoga with “the pain” and “the nausea” and “the sensitivity to sound and light” rather than my, my, my discomfort. This simple practice allowed me to put some distance between what my body was experiencing and what I truly am, which is something beyond this body. It allowed me to hold the discomfort as just another sensory experience, albeit an uncomfortable one, without identifying with it. And it was a great opportunity to give my body the space to practice “allowing” through whatever sensory experience is happening, despite its flavor.
Because the question is: “How will I die?” And the answer is: “I don’t know.” I might die in a comfortable way, but I might die in an uncomfortable way. If my body has no anchor for how to move through “the discomfort” gracefully, what will it do if it’s dying in an uncomfortable way? How will it move through “the dying?”
©2010 Cecilia L. Zúñiga. A Year To Live. All Rights Reserved. Reprints, copies or reproductions of any kind must be accompanied by copyright credit line.
I spent the afternoon running errands here and elsewhere, responding to emails, and carving out 20 minutes to have some lunch; actually, by the time I ate, it was closer to supper time. My evening was focused on teaching a kundalini yoga class for post-holiday-junk-food detoxifying…just what we all needed. And now, here I am, piled up on my sofa, dog at my feet, cats curled up in their beds beside me. Cozy is how I would describe this moment in my life.
My life… moving forward quicker than I can track it; minutes tick-tocking by invisibly, counting down my remaining time here… tick tock tick tock tick tock. This is a moment to savor, yes. I’m finding that every moment of my life is a moment to savor, even the uncomfortable ones. Like tonight – I developed a migraine before my yoga class. It was bad enough to make me nauseous. I chose to teach anyway, through the discomfort. I’ve never done that before. My migraines are usually spent piled up in bed, house dark and quiet, wet rag on my forehead, praying to fall asleep and wake up pain-free.
Yet Levine teaches to open beyond moments of discomfort and to be fully present with “what is.” He says to call it “the pain” rather than “my pain.” So I did. I taught yoga with “the pain” and “the nausea” and “the sensitivity to sound and light” rather than my, my, my discomfort. This simple practice allowed me to put some distance between what my body was experiencing and what I truly am, which is something beyond this body. It allowed me to hold the discomfort as just another sensory experience, albeit an uncomfortable one, without identifying with it. And it was a great opportunity to give my body the space to practice “allowing” through whatever sensory experience is happening, despite its flavor.
Because the question is: “How will I die?” And the answer is: “I don’t know.” I might die in a comfortable way, but I might die in an uncomfortable way. If my body has no anchor for how to move through “the discomfort” gracefully, what will it do if it’s dying in an uncomfortable way? How will it move through “the dying?”
©2010 Cecilia L. Zúñiga. A Year To Live. All Rights Reserved. Reprints, copies or reproductions of any kind must be accompanied by copyright credit line.
Cave Woman
I woke up this morning feeling a bit out of sorts… “spacey” in my brain, not very focused or driven, slow-moving, wanting to “cave.” I use the term “cave” here as a verb to mean hibernate in a cave like a bear in winter; rest; slow down; be still and quiet. Winter is the season for this – for slowing down, allowing for more rest, going inward, hibernating from all the activities of life. Thanksgiving in the fall sets us up for it. We eat lots and lots of good food and give thanks for all of the blessings and abundance harvested that year. Then, we retreat into the slower pace of winter’s restful state, already stocked up on all that yumminess, not having to do much.
Winter is for contemplation, planning, and slowing down our rhythms. By nature, this is what the body craves. Yet in our culture, winter brings flurries of activity around Christmas (Yule) and New Years. I found myself wanting to be more quiet, still, contemplative, and private than usual this year. Even “keeping it simple” over the holidays was more activity than my natural self wanted. Not that I didn’t enjoy the socializing that I did; it’s just that the natural rhythm at this point in the cycle is to cave, not socialize. Yet this is the case every year, so why did it feel especially awkward this year?
One thing is that as I deepen my connection to the energetic and sensory perception and experiences I am having during this final year to live journey, my connection to the natural rhythms and cycles of life is also deepening. Levine talks about the importance of coming present with the senses in each moment, allowing the body to adapt and habituate to the act of allowing what is; so that at the moment of death, the body is used to simply allowing what is to be, and the energy body has an easier time of releasing from the physical body. At least, that’s my interpretation of it.
What I’m finding is that everything is deepening for me through this experience: “Is this really what I want to do? Is this really who and how I want to spend my time? Is this really my truth?” What’s left of my life is becoming an exercise in honesty and integrity; it’s becoming an opportunity for me to be free, for me to be “Me,” for me to drop into a different level of being that is more authentic than before. There’s no more “waiting” for whatever it is we wait for; this is it! This is the time that I have left. What do I really want to do with it?
©2010 Cecilia L. Zúñiga. A Year To Live. All Rights Reserved. Reprints, copies or reproductions of any kind must be accompanied by copyright credit line.
Winter is for contemplation, planning, and slowing down our rhythms. By nature, this is what the body craves. Yet in our culture, winter brings flurries of activity around Christmas (Yule) and New Years. I found myself wanting to be more quiet, still, contemplative, and private than usual this year. Even “keeping it simple” over the holidays was more activity than my natural self wanted. Not that I didn’t enjoy the socializing that I did; it’s just that the natural rhythm at this point in the cycle is to cave, not socialize. Yet this is the case every year, so why did it feel especially awkward this year?
One thing is that as I deepen my connection to the energetic and sensory perception and experiences I am having during this final year to live journey, my connection to the natural rhythms and cycles of life is also deepening. Levine talks about the importance of coming present with the senses in each moment, allowing the body to adapt and habituate to the act of allowing what is; so that at the moment of death, the body is used to simply allowing what is to be, and the energy body has an easier time of releasing from the physical body. At least, that’s my interpretation of it.
What I’m finding is that everything is deepening for me through this experience: “Is this really what I want to do? Is this really who and how I want to spend my time? Is this really my truth?” What’s left of my life is becoming an exercise in honesty and integrity; it’s becoming an opportunity for me to be free, for me to be “Me,” for me to drop into a different level of being that is more authentic than before. There’s no more “waiting” for whatever it is we wait for; this is it! This is the time that I have left. What do I really want to do with it?
©2010 Cecilia L. Zúñiga. A Year To Live. All Rights Reserved. Reprints, copies or reproductions of any kind must be accompanied by copyright credit line.
04 January 2010
300 Days
300 days to go in my year to live; 65 days already behind me. I've learned over the years that there are specific practices that can be done to prepare one for death - departing the body we inhabit while "here." In his book "A Year to Live" Stephen Levine wrote: "Close attention to sensation is a means of being present for, and through, the letting go of the body. It is an encouragement of life to enter the body moment by moment, sensation by sensation that ultimately can enable it to find its way back out just as consciously." (p. 103-104). Part of my preparation during this year to live is to begin the subtle separation of my energy body from my physical one. And so, I practice:
I took a walk this morning with my dog. It was sunny but cold with a wind blowing that made my ears hurt. I witnessed my mind wanting to identify and label everything I was experiencing through my sensory body. It took strong conscious effort to drop fully into the sensory experience and out of the mental categorizing and such. So much was available on the sensory level: cold air, cold wind, warm and bright sun, the sound of leaves and birds, the pounding and sounds of my feet on the ground, my dogs collar tinkling as she moved, the odor of her pee when I passed it, the feel of cold air in my nostrils, the sound of my breath, the discomfort on my cold ears, the colors and patterns of everything around me....
I noticed layers of mental activity as I went along, such as: body functions and balance (urge to pee; on my Moontime - am I leaking? watch that rock; legs are sore; knee hurts from yesterday's bruise...); "file-cabinet activity" (identifying, categorizing, labeling, and then sharing everything); chatting in a play-by-play kind of way; playing background music, and on and on.... layer upon layer. Some spiritual masters call this our "Monkey Mind."
I used a specific visualization I've learned to get the background music to stay quiet, and then worked my way forward through the layers of mental chatter and such until I was focused on my breath and the immediate sensory data around me. It took focused attention to keep the mental language/data file drawers closed and all my awareness on the sensory experiences WITHOUT labels.
Doing this practice this morning of quieting the gymnastics of the mind and dropping more fully into the sensory realm reminded me of the fact that all that is truly before me is energy. Whatever else it becomes - even if just a color or texture - is a fabrication of my mind. I really tried this morning to simply experience - without ANY labels. It was harder than I thought it might be. For the brief time I succeeded, the world took on an entirely different flavor: "formless" is the word that comes to mind, if there must be one :
©2010 Cecilia L. Zúñiga. A Year To Live. All Rights Reserved. Reprints, copies or reproductions of any kind must be accompanied by copyright credit line.
I took a walk this morning with my dog. It was sunny but cold with a wind blowing that made my ears hurt. I witnessed my mind wanting to identify and label everything I was experiencing through my sensory body. It took strong conscious effort to drop fully into the sensory experience and out of the mental categorizing and such. So much was available on the sensory level: cold air, cold wind, warm and bright sun, the sound of leaves and birds, the pounding and sounds of my feet on the ground, my dogs collar tinkling as she moved, the odor of her pee when I passed it, the feel of cold air in my nostrils, the sound of my breath, the discomfort on my cold ears, the colors and patterns of everything around me....
I noticed layers of mental activity as I went along, such as: body functions and balance (urge to pee; on my Moontime - am I leaking? watch that rock; legs are sore; knee hurts from yesterday's bruise...); "file-cabinet activity" (identifying, categorizing, labeling, and then sharing everything); chatting in a play-by-play kind of way; playing background music, and on and on.... layer upon layer. Some spiritual masters call this our "Monkey Mind."
I used a specific visualization I've learned to get the background music to stay quiet, and then worked my way forward through the layers of mental chatter and such until I was focused on my breath and the immediate sensory data around me. It took focused attention to keep the mental language/data file drawers closed and all my awareness on the sensory experiences WITHOUT labels.
Doing this practice this morning of quieting the gymnastics of the mind and dropping more fully into the sensory realm reminded me of the fact that all that is truly before me is energy. Whatever else it becomes - even if just a color or texture - is a fabrication of my mind. I really tried this morning to simply experience - without ANY labels. It was harder than I thought it might be. For the brief time I succeeded, the world took on an entirely different flavor: "formless" is the word that comes to mind, if there must be one :
©2010 Cecilia L. Zúñiga. A Year To Live. All Rights Reserved. Reprints, copies or reproductions of any kind must be accompanied by copyright credit line.
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