Cave Woman

I woke up this morning feeling a bit out of sorts… “spacey” in my brain, not very focused or driven, slow-moving, wanting to “cave.” I use the term “cave” here as a verb to mean hibernate in a cave like a bear in winter; rest; slow down; be still and quiet. Winter is the season for this – for slowing down, allowing for more rest, going inward, hibernating from all the activities of life. Thanksgiving in the fall sets us up for it. We eat lots and lots of good food and give thanks for all of the blessings and abundance harvested that year. Then, we retreat into the slower pace of winter’s restful state, already stocked up on all that yumminess, not having to do much.

Winter is for contemplation, planning, and slowing down our rhythms. By nature, this is what the body craves. Yet in our culture, winter brings flurries of activity around Christmas (Yule) and New Years. I found myself wanting to be more quiet, still, contemplative, and private than usual this year. Even “keeping it simple” over the holidays was more activity than my natural self wanted. Not that I didn’t enjoy the socializing that I did; it’s just that the natural rhythm at this point in the cycle is to cave, not socialize. Yet this is the case every year, so why did it feel especially awkward this year?

One thing is that as I deepen my connection to the energetic and sensory perception and experiences I am having during this final year to live journey, my connection to the natural rhythms and cycles of life is also deepening. Levine talks about the importance of coming present with the senses in each moment, allowing the body to adapt and habituate to the act of allowing what is; so that at the moment of death, the body is used to simply allowing what is to be, and the energy body has an easier time of releasing from the physical body. At least, that’s my interpretation of it.

What I’m finding is that everything is deepening for me through this experience: “Is this really what I want to do? Is this really who and how I want to spend my time? Is this really my truth?” What’s left of my life is becoming an exercise in honesty and integrity; it’s becoming an opportunity for me to be free, for me to be “Me,” for me to drop into a different level of being that is more authentic than before. There’s no more “waiting” for whatever it is we wait for; this is it! This is the time that I have left. What do I really want to do with it?


©2010 Cecilia L. Zúñiga. A Year To Live. All Rights Reserved. Reprints, copies or reproductions of any kind must be accompanied by copyright credit line.