The Heart of the Matter

Warm Heart 2008

Our hearts are so strong and yet so fragile around love.

We can open or close them. We can expose or protect them. We can risk or guard them. Yet most often we forget about them until something happens that either cracks them open or slams them closed. What is it about the heart that is so significant? So magnificent?

The heart is our gateway to our essence - the part of us that is boundless, infinite and unafraid. Through opening the heart fully we find completeness - a sense of purity, wholeness and unity with something much greater than our mentally-constructed selves. Beyond the realm of our projections, beyond the realm of our minds we find... mystery.

I call it "mystery" because we can't define it with our minds. It's a spaciousness that defies what the mind can grasp. It's not based in the past or the future. It rests in the expansiveness of the present moment which is infinite. It is only our minds that define the present moment as "finite time" in a limiting way when beyond our mental projections, there is no time, only presence.

Beyond the mind we find freedom. In the Toltec tradition, they describe the antics of our mind as "dreaming," or a mental projection, a concept or interpretation of our experiences that is not the experiences themselves. Thinking about our experiences is not the same as having them; thinking about them is a reflection of the experience, not the experience itself. Yet all too often we believe that our thoughts about our experiences are the truth when actually, they are only mental reflections of the truth.

Distortion & Reflection 1: Chicago 2008

This is what leads us to an over-identification with our minds. We believe that what the mind tells us is the truth, yet we forget that it is merely a reflection of the truth, which leaves room for personal projection and distortion. When we believe our minds, our thoughts, projections and distortions stimulate all kinds of drama and suffering in our lives, especially around matters of the heart.

Consider that having an emotion is a movement of energy through the body. The mind will enter and label the energy as something specific (e.g., pain, fear, sadness, anger, rage, joy...) and then judge whether the experience is OK or not - safe or not. When we attach labels of the mind to our experiences, we are left with stories about what's happening to us and at the deepest places within our being, our mind is assessing whether or not it's a threat to our survival so it can dictate what action to take next: fight, flight or freeze. It is also signaling the body to prepare for that action: our hormones, muscles, adrenalin, breath, etc. immediately respond to the signals of the mind.

Distortion & Reflection: Chicago 2008

The tricky part is that our physical bodies are geared to respond to the mind's signals, whether or not the mind's signals are accurate, relevant or true in the present moment. Remember that the mind is never operating in the present moment. It pulls up information from the past or projects information into the future based on the past, but it is never directly engaged with our present moment experiences.

Why? Because the mind does not directly experience anything. It gets information second-hand through our sensory and energy bodies and then interprets that information based on past experiences or future projections; but it does not directly experience anything. The mind's job is to interpret or reflect to the rest of the body what it believes is happening based on input from our sensory and energy bodies - what we see, hear, smell, taste, touch and perceive (energetically). The mind says "I recognize this sensation; it means blahblahblah and this is what we need to do next!"

Here's the problem: What the mind believes (based on history) may not apply in the present moment or the future, so it's signals limit our ability to act from the infinite field of possibilities that are available to us in each moment. This is important! By freeing ourselves from over-identifying with and believing in our mind's projections and stories about what it thinks is happening or going to happen, we open ourselves to the infinite and can move beyond old obstacles in our lives.

Over-identifying with the mind and turning our experiences into concepts and stories puts limitations on the vastness of what we truly are: the pure essence of mass, energy and consciousness. Many traditional spiritual practices are designed to create spaciousness between our mind and our pure essence so that we can become more of a witness to our mind's games rather than be driven by them. Meditative practices are a beautiful way to begin shifting away from over-identification with the mind and to build a trusting relationship with our pure essence.

Pathway to Mystery: Paris 2004

Connecting with and trusting in our pure essence is a pathway through the heart rather than the mind. When we build a stronger relationship with our pure essence, our hearts open and take rest into something much greater than what our minds can comprehend - something boundless, infinite and beyond the mind's reflections - the mystery of Being.

This is what makes our hearts both strong and fragile: in opening them to the mystery, we may feel vulnerable yet through this act we become stronger in our connection to our pure, infinite essence. It takes strength and courage to allow our hearts to open beyond the limitations and fears of the mind. And yet through that strength and courage - through opening ourselves to the mystery - we may experience what I can only describe as "pure love" (which is only a limited description and reflection of what is really an indescribable experience of what I feel to be pure love)...

Tree Teachers

Sycamore Tree. Copyright 2011

There's something magical about the coolness of the morning when the sun is just beginning to rise and the birds are singing wildly into the air from all directions. It's mid-June in Central Texas; summer will officially begin in two weeks and we are in extreme drought conditions, which makes the coolness of the mornings these days extra special. When I checked our thermometer Friday afternoon, it read 108º! I doubt that's what the weather guy will say but that's what our meter read.

 As I sat quietly with the world waking up around me, my attention was drawn to the large Sycamore trees in our backyard. I noticed some of their leaves turning colors and every once in a while, one of them would let go, gracefully finding it's way to the ground. Sycamore trees naturally shed their outer bark toward the top limbs yet the lower areas are also shedding right now, an unusual happening. It is clear they are stressed from lack of water and high heat.

For just a moment I felt bad for them and then it dawned on me: "The trees don't have a story about what's happening; they are simply doing what's needed to survive: dropping leaves to surrender anything requiring excess energy, and shedding bark to take in more nutrients however they can. They aren't afraid or questioning what's happening. They live as fully today as they ever have. Whether they'll die tomorrow is not relevant; they are focused on surviving and living fully in this moment. They are simply be-ing... or tree-ing."

What a great teacher they are for me. During these times of rapid movement and change, they gently remind me not to be afraid, question or make up a story about what's happening; not to worry about an unknown future. All I have to do is live fully in each moment, present and trusting the process to lead me to the next step, whatever that may be. Maybe it will be more life; maybe it will be death. It doesn't matter; it's all part of the natural cycle and rhythm of things. Neither is better or worse; just different.

So today I'm focusing my energy on be-ing... or people-ing, or Cecilia-ing...

Fickle Truth

INRI Paris. Copyright 2004.

I watched an amazing documentary last week called Fall From Grace about a well-known preacher man in Topeka, Kansas. He has a church but his family are the only ones who attend. From what I can tell, they believe they preach the word of God straight out of the Bible, and that God elected them to point out the sinning nature of our corrupt American society so that we can all have an opportunity to be saved.

They believe that their message - filled with hate, fear and threats - is affirmed and supported by God Himself because it's written right there in the pages of the Bible in black and white. Apparently the God they believe in condemns, punishes, judges, name-calls, shames, blames, threatens and even kills in the name of righteous indignation, and gives them permission to do the same. (As far as I know, they haven't directly killed anyone yet they strongly and openly support the death of those they condemn.)

This family - under the strong will and loud, demanding voice of their dad - view themselves as devout Christians following the Word and call of God. They believe it is their duty to preach God's truth to the people of this Nation, and apparently they are the only ones who really know what God's truth is, as written in the Bible and interpreted by their dad... as if God Himself hand-selected dear old dad for this hate-filled mission. In their view, the rest of us Americans - including other devout Christians and religious scholars - are blindly missing God's point and they are the only ones who get it...

So I wonder: What is God's Truth and how do we know it? And for that matter, with so many different Words of God out there, who has the right One? Who's interpretation is THE correct one?

I was raised Catholic with a Christian foundation.  I no longer practice Catholicism because I found it lacking. But through the Catholic tradition, I learned about ceremony, ritual and faith. I learned about Jesus and "God" and love. I still don't understand the many contradictions I recognize in the way Catholicism is generally taught and practiced yet I respect those who find peace there, just as I respect other teachings and traditions that folks believe in. Who am I to suppose that my beliefs are the only correct ones in the world or that my God is the only and right God?

I recognize that there are people in the world who feel with all their hearts that the beliefs they've spent a lifetime living by are the right ones. Yet which belief system, which tradition in the world is really "the right one?" Can there be only one right one? And how would we know it; how would we distinguish it from the others? They all have ancient texts and teachings that have been passed down through generations of change and translation. And with so many different cultures out there, why would there be only one way to honor and align with our Divine Source? If we believe that there is one supreme God and that we are all born of this God, is it true that all roads really do lead to this One God?

Black Cross. Copyright 2009. 

Today I describe myself as a deeply spiritual Being but not religious. I am just as passionate about my beliefs as others are about theirs. I have my own relationship with God - that Divine Source of all things - and I honor it by living a life filled with as much love as possible. This doesn't mean that I always succeed but it means that I do my best to let love lead my thoughts, beliefs and actions. 

Today my beliefs rest in the notion of an All-Loving, All-Knowing (Omniscient), All-Powerful (Omnipotent) and Infinite (Omnipresent) God. To me, condemnation, separation, punishment, judgement, slander, shame, blame, hate, fear and threats are not a part of such a God. The way I understand it, we are created in God's likeness and image, not the other way around. To impose the limitations of humanity on an All-Loving, Omniscient, Omnipotent and Omnipresent Being is merely human error-thinking based in limited ego-mind.  

Thinking about God is different from feeling into God. For when we think about  God, all we find is the limited perspective and fears of our own human ego-mind; yet when we feel into God, we find the perfection of pure love that resides in an all-powerful, all-knowing, all-loving, infinite presence.

My wish for today is that every Human Being feel their heart filled with the Grace of God as pure, divine love.