A Shaman's Death

This year, I have the pleasure of "dying" twice: once last weekend as an ending to a shamanic intensive I've been involved with for most of 2011, and the other in December with a year-long circle I've been holding since January - my AWAKEN Circle. 

I had no agenda for last weekend's death, other than to be shown whatever was for me to see. The experience was quite surreal on several fronts. What I will share is that for the first time in my "dying" experiences, I was actually buried in the damp soil of the Earth - head to toe, all but my shrouded face covered over with dirt. It was a strangely wonderful experience. 

I loved digging my own grave; it was a tremendously sacred act. And I loved having someone so special to me cover me over with dirt; it was also a sacred act. The feeling of it cannot be put to words. I wished I would have the same pleasure upon my actual death...

I was buried between two huge old oak trees for some period of time. I could hear the wind blowing through the leaves above me as I laid in the dirt, dead. I could also hear flies checking me out, and the whisper of birds flying past and chirping their songs around me, creating moments of total peace and serenity. In contrast, every so often a battery of intense gunfire rang out nearby...as if taunting me with the reality of my death.

The soil was moist and rich and dark in color. I imagined while digging my grave that I would get damp and cold in there. But what happened was that I felt cozy and warm instead, completely held by the love of the Earth. Twice while buried, a wave of a damp coldness passed through me to the bone, but they were only waves, lasting only for what felt like moments...and then the warmth returned. 

At some point my awareness shifted into what I can only describe as a pureness of being. My senses heightened - specifically vibratory sensations. Everything became as a vibration - a wave of energy moving through my body as I laid in the dirt. There was no thought; only presence and vibration. My body opened until I felt fully expanded into all things... as one vibration of being...a vibration of Love in its purest form.

This was a different experience from my past deaths in which I felt an acute letting go of the physical - a sort of separation of my energy body from my physical one and from all things physical. Not so this time. This time, I felt a merging with - an expansion into - all things physical or vibratory. I had an acute sense of connectedness with rather than separation from the physical, even in death. It was beautiful. 

I do not hold anything around the meaning of this experience; I only cherish how it felt. At some point, I arose from the dirt as if on cue from some higher source of wisdom - fully alive, fully awake, fully vibratory, having dropped into an even deeper connection with something beyond the physical. Life and death, death and life: two sides of the same face. I am both of them; both of them are me. 

And so this journey continues: Adventures in Love - my personal exploration into the power of the vibration of Love.

The Clock Stopped!!

Wow - I just realized that my A Year To Love countdown clock STOPPED!! My year-long commitment to writing A Year To Love ended on November 3rd without even a hiccup from me. Over two weeks have passed since my deadline slipped by. As I revisit the blog I posted on Nov. 1st, I see that the energy shifted...

I have completed my A Year To Love adventure and am still harvesting it's fruits. I know not what the next incarnation of this blog will be, if there is one. Much has shifted in my Being since beginning this journey last year. I have loved this heart-focused adventure! I will muse more about its lessons later... 

Today I head off to die a Shaman's death somewhere in the dirt outside of Austin. I will use this death as a transition from what was - what has been, to what will be - what is yet to manifest.

I have no idea. Perhaps Death will reveal ...

Balancing Fullness & Spaciousness

We have rounded the corner into full-on Fall. Our days continue to shorten as the nights grow. We've put our Halloween costumes and decorations away. The weather continues to cool as the fiery Sun softens its touch upon the Earth. We're stacking up the firewood and getting our pants, jackets and blankets out. We are moving into the home stretch toward Winter Solstice.

November bends its energy to Thanksgiving as a signpost of what our year's harvest has been. I've heard talk of how this year feels a bit lean compared to years past. Yet we each have something to celebrate, whether the movement has been framed by having more or less of something in our lives. Neither is better or worse; both frames hold whatever is aligned to the highest good, regardless of how we might define it with our minds.

Flow works in both directions. Sometimes the flow is in and sometimes it is out, just as with each breath - Prana and Apana - filling and emptying. Filling up brings fullness from what's been; emptying out brings spaciousness for what's next. However the flow has moved through your life, recognize that it is a gift. Fullness and spaciousness are on equal terms when it comes to the energies of life; they both serve. You must experience each to know the other; you must empty out the old to make space for filling up with the new...

This year, throw away your mental measuring stick and take the opportunity to celebrate and honor all that life offered you. This year, hold gratitude in equal measure for what left as well as for what came or may come into your life. Recognize that true abundance is in the way you experience life with your heart, not in how you measure it with your head. 
 

May your Thanksgiving celebration be one filled with gratitude for all of life's wondrous opportunities of filling and emptying.

Falling Into Fall

I woke up this morning to a chilly 40-something degrees! Winter has begun to tease us this week in Texas, with cold nights and cool days. The night time sky holds that crisp, clear, extra-vibrant quality that is Fall's blessing; the Moon and Stars seem to shine extra brightly this time of year. We are nearly halfway to our Winter Solstice or Yule, when the light of day begins to grow again following the longer periods of darkness brought by Fall. Yule signals the transition from longer nights to longer days, but we can't celebrate the growing light just yet! For we are still easing our way deep into the darkest part of the Fall season. 

This is the time of year to complete the last of your Summer harvesting, drawing in and tidying up anything left undone. This period of Mid-Fall opens a gateway to the cycle of endings or death, yet this is not to be feared. Rather, death creates the space for new crops to be planted and new life to emerge. This is the death of Summer, yet it brings life to Fall, a time of reflection, gratitude and a deepening into the Self.

Many traditions believe that there is a thinning of the veils between the realms of reality from October 30th to November 2nd, allowing us to connect with the dead more easily. As we make our way past Halloween, traditionally known as Samhain, we take time to honor the passing of all things, including our Summer crops. They have been harvested and what remains is mulched back into the soils to nourish them for a future harvest.  We can use this energetic metaphor to clear, transform and nourish our inner Being during this transitional time. 

Samhain was turned into All Saint's Day by the Roman Catholic leaders, yet it is based in ancient traditions that are about honoring our ancestral lineage and remembering our place in the progression of life. It brings an opportunity to honor many things: the birth-life-death cycle of all things; the death of our crops that provide our bounty and that provide the nourishment for next year's crops; our ancestors and beloveds who have died, whose wisdom we carry forward; and the births and deaths that we experience every day as we make our way through life. It is a time of deep, internal reflection on the past year, and a time to honor the part of our Humanity that is inescapable: Death. 

The costuming and mask-wearing of our modern-day Halloween began as a way of warding off or tricking away The Angel of Death as It passed over our homes during the thinning of the veils. "Trick or Treat?" was a question to the Angel of Death: "Must I do a trick or give a treat to avoid your cold touch?" Samhain offers an opportunity to recognize that The Angel of Death is a gift-giver of transformation, hope and new life. The spaciousness created by her touch allows us to stay present, to honor all we experience in our lives, and to clean out the parts of us that have run their course so we can move forward into even greater places of Being. Without the spaciousness that "death" brings, we might crumble under the heaviness of all the old baggage we tend to collect and carry.

Each year for Samhain I create a Dia de los Muertos altar at my home to honor my ancestors and beloveds who have died. This is an ancient tradition out of Mexico (and across cultures) that culminates in beautiful celebrations and ceremonies between November 1st and 2nd. In the Mexican tradition, items are placed on home altars and grave sites to entice the dead to visit during the thinning of the veils. Favorite foods and beverages are cooked, offered and consumed; specific flowers and candles are used along with incense; stories, dancing and special prayers are shared; there is laughter and tears... It is a two-day, all-out celebration of their beloved dead. And it is a beautiful way to honor all that their beloveds brought into the world. 

I look forward to creating my Dia de los Muertos altar each year and have had some powerful healing experiences with it. This year I added my beloved dog Maia to my altar. Her bowl, collar, bandanna and favorite treat - a dried pig snout - are on the altar, along with a picture of her looking fully content on her bed, snuggled up with two new toys. Each time I pass the altar, I feel held, loved and connected to all things in a deeper, more intimate way, and my heart is filled with gratitude for all of my ancestors and beloveds. This ritual provides a rich and personal experience for Samhain that anchors me to the birth-life-death cycle of all things in a more intimate way. 

Come Thanksgiving, we take time with family and friends to celebrate and share our Fall harvest by more fully enjoying the bounty of our crops. Many people begin their holiday gift shopping soon. Gift wrapping in preparation for Yule is another way of "wrapping up" Fall's loose ends with boxes and bows, and acknowledging our bounty. This is the time of year to recognize that there is enough abundance for everyone to enjoy through the shortest, darkest and coldest days of Fall. 

As the seasonal wheel continues to turn and the days continue to shorten into a cold darkness, we descend even more deeply into our psyches. We can use this time to contemplate our journey and drop more fully into our Beings to rest, refill and prepare for the returning of the light. This inward turning is a necessary part of our forward movement. Aligning ourselves with the natural rhythm of Fall allows us to rest and prepare for the heightened activity that Winter Solstice heralds as Spring approaches and the light of day begins to grow again. Once we cross Winter Solstice in late December, we begin gearing ourselves up for a worthy Spring planting. Without the period of harvesting and honoring what was, as well as the restful contemplation that late Fall offers, we might feel unprepared for this important planting season. 

Make time between now and Yule (December 22nd) to acknowledge the road you have traveled this year, paved by all those who walked it before you, and cleared even more by your own footsteps for all those who will walk it after you. Bring presence to the now while holding your past and future with respect and curiosity. Honor the balance of the dark and the light, of life and death, recognizing that they are but two necessary sides of the same face. Descend out of the busyness of Summer and into the depths of Fall to enjoy your harvest with gratitude and love in your heart.

Today, I celebrate the legacy and lineage that went before me; I honor my current place in the line; and I make time to deepen into what my next steps might be so that come Spring, I am ready to dig into restored soils and plant new seeds for the future. What a ride :)