Zero Days and Counting...

 OK - so this is my last official day of life as I know it... My count of "Days Ahead" has dropped from 365 to 0 and tomorrow I die... Wow.

Tomorrow I die. Yesterday I lived; today I live; and tomorrow I die... just like that. It can happen any time but it's happening for me tomorrow.

So many questions cycling in my mind about what I want to do today: Nothing? Sit outside? Take a walk? Nap? Celebrate? Do ceremony? Video messages? Write letters? See a movie?" I realized that even on the edge of death, there's a part of me that still wants to do it or get it right. I don't know; can you die wrong?

My good girl says: "Well, of course you should write letters or make video messages to loved ones! Of course you should meditate and do ceremony! Of course you should be sad and grieving the end of your life, saying good bye to everything you love! Of course you should make this an extra special experience! After all, you're dying tomorrow..."

And my adventurous self says: "Just go out and have the best and most fun day ever!! After all, you're dying tomorrow..."

And my tired rational self says: "Well, you had a full and busy week last week and a big party last night. You only got 5 hours of sleep. Stay home and rest today. After all, you're dying tomorrow..."

And my pleaser says: "Spend time with your sweetie. She said she wanted time with you today. After all, you're dying tomorrow..."

And my spiritual self says: "Feel into what you really want to do and just do it! After all, you're dying tomorrow..." 

 And my human self says: "You're hungry. Eat! After all, you're dying tomorrow..."

So, I'm eating. My friend Arielle brought over a delicious macaroni and cheese dish to the Halloween costume party last night, so I'm eating some... yum!! And then, my sweetie and I are going to see the movie "Hereafter."

And after that? Hmmm.... I'll know when I get there I guess.